I felt scared, trapped, and determined
I was unmarried and already had one child out of wedlock.
I had just entered nursing school and felt I couldn't face this setback and
humiliation so I aborted myself. I felt scared, trapped, and determined.
It was done primarily through intense concentration (3 hours with ritual use
of pennyroyal tea and running until I couldn't run anymore), crying as I ran,
because I felt so bad after I knew I had succeeded. because at that instant the
baby died I knew I had made a mistake.
I would have undone it if I could have, I felt so deeply and painfully the
awful truth of what I had done. I felt the sadness and rejection, felt by the
child with whom I communicated. (I know this probably sounds fantastic but I
assure you I am mentally normal and this kind of thing is possible when you are
terrified and determined).
I don't feel there is anything I can do. That child is gone and I am very
sorry. I'm sure God has forgiven me but nothing can bring that child back.
Working in the Pro-Life movement helps.
It will be a life long regret I'll have to live with. I can only hope I'll be
reunited with that child in heaven. Going through that has helped me be more
sensitive to why it's wrong and also understand better why a woman does such a
thing. The feeling of being trapped and scared is so powerful it leads you