I became pregnant at age 16. I went to the Astoria Clinic for a pregnancy
test. The nurse asked me if I wanted the child. I was scared, looking for help.
I said "no." She gave me a pamphlet for LoveJoy Clinic and walked out without a
word. I told my mother. She said well that's the only answer and she drove me to
The counseling was non-existent. The people seemed friendly and to a scared
little girl, concerned. They told me nothing about affects or the development of
fetus, only that it was the best choice and I would feel better later. The
abortion felt like my guts were being sucked out while a nurse held me down.
I saw a photo of a 6 week fetus the following week. I went from an "A"
student to a "D-F" student. I made several suicide attempts. I went into a deep
depression and self hate that I still, after 13 years, struggle with. I cannot
go to baby showers, hold babies, without depression. I've had two premature
births, one tubal pregnancy that ruptured, and feel [these] are abortion
The abortion has also greatly affected my husband. He was the father of the
aborted baby. He has experienced the same depression and loss feelings I have.
We struggled together and now have been married 11 years. We try to use our
experience to help youth. We have talked to several youth groups.
The only reason I am still alive today is that at age 19 I learned that God
loved me and forgave me. I know the baby is with him. I still struggle with the
affects of the abortion and look at 13 year olds and wonder?
Abortion permanently damaged me emotionally and physically. I will never
totally be rid of the self hate, depression, and feeling of great loss. I could
not carry a child to full term. After huge neonatal bills, I do have two boys,
but I am unable to carry other children, though I want more.