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I Look at 13-year olds and Wonder…

I became pregnant at age 16. I went to the Astoria Clinic for a pregnancy test. The nurse asked me if I wanted the child. I was scared, looking for help. I said "no." She gave me a pamphlet for LoveJoy Clinic and walked out without a word. I told my mother. She said well that's the only answer and she drove me to the clinic.

The counseling was non-existent. The people seemed friendly and to a scared little girl, concerned. They told me nothing about affects or the development of fetus, only that it was the best choice and I would feel better later. The abortion felt like my guts were being sucked out while a nurse held me down.

I saw a photo of a 6 week fetus the following week. I went from an "A" student to a "D-F" student. I made several suicide attempts. I went into a deep depression and self hate that I still, after 13 years, struggle with. I cannot go to baby showers, hold babies, without depression. I've had two premature births, one tubal pregnancy that ruptured, and feel [these] are abortion related.

The abortion has also greatly affected my husband. He was the father of the aborted baby. He has experienced the same depression and loss feelings I have. We struggled together and now have been married 11 years. We try to use our experience to help youth. We have talked to several youth groups.

The only reason I am still alive today is that at age 19 I learned that God loved me and forgave me. I know the baby is with him. I still struggle with the affects of the abortion and look at 13 year olds and wonder?

Abortion permanently damaged me emotionally and physically. I will never totally be rid of the self hate, depression, and feeling of great loss. I could not carry a child to full term. After huge neonatal bills, I do have two boys, but I am unable to carry other children, though I want more.

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