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I was petrified to tell my parents

I was 19, dating a resident in podiatry. I loved him intensely. I became pregnant even though we’d faithfully used condoms. I was petrified to tell my parents who were Christians and didn’t even know I was sexually active. I was supposed to begin nursing school that fall. My boyfriend had been raised Catholic, never once offered to marry me. Because of all those factors, I chose to kill my child.

Physically, it was very easy. I was close to the end of my 1st trimester. They put me to sleep so I didn’t feel the pain. I remember being very frightened but I joked with the anesthetist and doctor before. I don’t remember the doctor’s name or anything about his face. I'd like to know so I could write him and tell him how devastated I eventually became years later.

I totally walled myself off from emotionally reacting to [the abortion]. I didn’t grieve, or cry or feel guilt, for 9 years after the abortion. But during that time, I was promiscuous. When I did find good loving Christian men who really loved me, I rejected them. I think I didn’t feel that I deserved their positive love. I broke up with the boyfriend who impregnated me.

In 1979, I became pregnant again. Everyone attempted to persuade or force me to abort. But I received counseling from some pro-lifers in Philadelphia and read a book on abortion techniques and I chose life for my baby. He is a precious 11 ½ year old "A" student in a Christian school. I also became involved in the Pro-Life Movement in 1985 -- via education, lobbying, sidewalk counseling. I am now an expert on abortion.

[The abortion] gave me grief and sorrow beyond expression. I have committed the most heinous of all crimes --  I killed my own child. Yet, the Lord forgave me, just as he forgave Paul. Yet I will always regret what I did and will probably always feel grief. But I pray that my experience can somehow prevent other women from making the same fatal mistake. I’m a nurse now, so I wear my uniform to all the pro-life things I do! It helps.

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