I was 19, dating a resident in podiatry. I loved him intensely. I became
pregnant even though we’d faithfully used condoms. I was petrified to tell my
parents who were Christians and didn’t even know I was sexually active. I was
supposed to begin nursing school that fall. My boyfriend had been raised
Catholic, never once offered to marry me. Because of all those factors, I chose
to kill my child.
Physically, it was very easy. I was close to the end of my 1st
trimester. They put me to sleep so I didn’t feel the pain. I remember being very
frightened but I joked with the anesthetist and doctor before. I don’t remember
the doctor’s name or anything about his face. I'd like to know so I could write
him and tell him how devastated I eventually became years later.
I totally walled myself off from emotionally reacting to [the abortion]. I
didn’t grieve, or cry or feel guilt, for 9 years after the abortion. But during
that time, I was promiscuous. When I did find good loving Christian men who
really loved me, I rejected them. I think I didn’t feel that I deserved their
positive love. I broke up with the boyfriend who impregnated me.
In 1979, I became pregnant again. Everyone attempted to persuade or force me
to abort. But I received counseling from some pro-lifers in Philadelphia and
read a book on abortion techniques and I chose life for my baby. He is a
precious 11 ½ year old "A" student in a Christian school. I also became involved
in the Pro-Life Movement in 1985 -- via education, lobbying, sidewalk
counseling. I am now an expert on abortion.
[The abortion] gave me grief and sorrow beyond expression. I have committed
the most heinous of all crimes -- I killed my own child. Yet, the Lord
forgave me, just as he forgave Paul. Yet I will always regret what I did and
will probably always feel grief. But I pray that my experience can somehow
prevent other women from making the same fatal mistake. I’m a nurse now, so I
wear my uniform to all the pro-life things I do! It helps