I was 15 years old and sleeping with my boyfriend who said I’d have to pay
for birth control. I was too embarrassed. When I got pregnant he assumed that
I’d have an abortion. My parents had already told me that they’d never accept a
bastard child so I didn’t bother to tell them. [My boyfriend] lied to get the
money for the abortion saying he had to have x-rays. I lied to the abortion
clinic about my referral (forged document) and had an abortion in the 10th or so
I was a frightened young girl who was taken advantage of by her boyfriend,
not trusted by her parents, tricked by Planned Parenthood. They lured me to
their clinic saying they would refer me to another clinic (no one ever mentioned
the baby) and the procedure would be $185.00. When they confirmed my pregnancy,
they said they never told me that and wanted to send me to a doctor "associated"
with them and the fee would be at least $250.00. I was furious and stole some of
their letterhead and forged my own referral. Later a friend of mine did the same
thing and was caught. I always felt as though I had really "shown them" until
the Holy Spirit showed me.
After that my life went downhill and stayed there for years. I was married
and divorced twice to the same man (the boyfriend who was the father of the
aborted child) We had another child two years later. His life was destroyed
also, although he never ever mentioned it (as though nothing had happened. He
shot himself to death.)
After years of drugs and promiscuity, (I must have felt that I could get back
at men by using my body. I recall thinking how funny it was that I could pull
their string and they would act like a lovesick puppy), I finally began to put
my life together. I lived on welfare and food stamps and a rent-free old house
that was taken care of by my parents for two years. I later held down 2 & 3 jobs
at that time and then put myself through vocational school.
With my new training and education I got a good job and took college courses
at night. I wasn’t much of a mother during this time, still same neglect and
drug abuse as well as an occasional live-in boyfriend, who lived off me. (I
guess I liked being in control. Who’d blame me?) But I did manage to start to
piece my life back together.
When I met my present husband (we’ve been married for 8 years now and have
another little girl 6 years old. He has also adopted my oldest daughter) he was
also just another of these boyfriends, but somehow different. He seemed to care
about me and wanted to really talk to me. I felt myself becoming dependent on
him (something that really terrified me). We even spoke of marriage. So I
promptly had an affair to try and distance myself from him. But this guy was
different. He forgave me and loved me. He even knew about my abortion.
We were married one year later. We both had great jobs and were on our way
up. For the first 4 years of our marriage, I thought that I had solved all my
problems through our financial success. We were both under 28 and together we
made over $60,000 (a long way from welfare and food stamps)!
Guess what? Amid all this bliss and financial success I was not happy. I had
no idea why but I felt a tremendous burden but I didn’t know what. Both my
husband and I had been baptized as children and had strayed away from Christ. We
began to discuss going to Church for the children.
About two months after attending Southland Christian Church, the pressure
grew so great, I would sit and weep. I would just scream because I thought I was
losing my mind but didn’t know why.
One night the pressure was so great that I ran into the backyard, looked at
the sky and said God, please send Jesus into my heart! I need him so bad! I’ve
been so wrong! I repented for distancing myself from him. Then he revealed to me
the source of my pain (my guilt in having an abortion). I am so overjoyed today
to share with you what Jesus has forgiven me for my abortion and I have forgiven
It’s almost been 3 years since I came to Christ and every day I rejoice in
the hope and forgiveness that I have through Christ Jesus. I’ve been doing some
volunteer work at the local crisis pregnancy center as well as campaigning
against abortion. I have great love and concern for the many girls and women
who, for whatever desperate reason, resort to abortion or live a life of sexual
promiscuity or perversion and whose lives are shattered by the work of Satan.
Thank you for the opportunity to share my experience. Though the story is
quite long, I assure you there are many details, which because of space were not
included. I believe someday I can relate my situation and the forgiveness of
Christ to help those who hold such a special place in my heart.
For now I am content. I have a wonderful Christian husband. My children
have been baptized. I have a church family who love and support me. My career
has changed somewhat. I’ve become a graphic artist (my schedule is flexible so I
can be here when the girls get home from school). I’ve also developed a long
time interest of mine in writing and illustrating children’s books as well as
songs and poems. I’m always grateful for God and open to the leading of the Holy
Spirit. (2 Corinthians 9:15 NIV).