I was 18 years old, unmarried, confused in the situation of an unwanted
pregnancy. My mother coerced me into the abortion; my boyfriend (ended up being
my 1st husband and father of my now 11 year old daughter) stood by me
in "whatever decision I made," even though his father was an abortion provider
and ended up doing the abortion (for free, of course).
A nightmare - I cried through the entire procedure - I was given a Valium, a
shot of Demerol, but I was certainly wide awake and aware of everything.
It didn't seem to affect anyone but me and my baby. I had had drug problems,
but they intensified. I hated myself, I felt a tremendous, staggering loss, I
was angry, suicidal, guilty. I felt, and knew, that a huge part of me (and of my
life) was gone.
It has been 15 years since I had the abortion - only after 10 years was I
able to really come to terms with it, (or go to baby showers, hear about
abortion on TV or from any other source, etc.). I wrote a booklet on my
experience, strength and hope at the time and am now involved in the Pro-Life
movement and P.A.S. counseling.
I would have three children instead on one. I aborted the first one, had a
daughter the second time, had a tubal pregnancy at 2 months along and a [baby]
died the third time, resulting in a total hysterectomy a year later due to a
P.I.D. massive scar tissue in my organs. The abortion severely handicapped me
emotionally for years, but I am now able to use that experience to help other
women and girls not to make the same, devastating mistake that I did.
