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Made me see that it was murder

I got pregnant by a married man. I didn’t want the pregnancy to ruin my military career. I was a so-called good girl. No one knew I was a run around. I called Planned Parenthood. They referred me to a clinic in 1985. An LPN and doctor were involved. I was single and didn’t want anyone to know I was pregnant.

Quick, hurt, gross. During the procedure, changed my mind but it was too late. I didn’t have any counseling as to having the baby adopted before the procedure.

Emotional wreck I became. My job performance went down because inside I knew I had committed murder even though it was legal. Even….after the abortion I felt guilty and it affected my sex life with my husband. I didn’t feel I was worthy of having pleasure sexually because I had been responsible for having premarital sex and getting pregnant and then killing the child.

Communicated the sin to my fiancée. I had the abortion in March was engaged in September. The child that could have been was not my fiancée’s child. I found it helpful to confess my sin before God and find forgiveness in Jesus. I attended church and surrounded myself with Christians. It took 5 years to get over the guilt I felt. I discussed my abortion with close friends who were Christian. Helped me realize we all are sinners, repent and not do it again. I also got involved in church with helping other women with their pregnancy by offering financial and spiritual help.

Made me see that it was murder. Something I can never change. I often wonder what the child looks like or could have been. A part of my life I’ll never regain is gone. It ruined my military career because of this mental anguish. My performance went down.

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