When I was 17 I became pregnant. Of course I wasn’t ready to be a mother. I
kept my child and delivered a healthy baby girl. At this same time I was a heavy
user of drugs. By the grace of God my daughter was born without one birth
defect. The only defect was her mother chose to continue a life of sin.
I became pregnant a second time. With my first pregnancy my mother would not
talk to me until the delivery of my child. After she saw this beautiful child
she was by my side always helping me. Thank God I was so confused about raising
a child. I had no idea what to do -- I was just a child myself.
Anyway, when I became pregnant with my second child I went to Planned
Parenthood, and of course they gave me their advice and that was to abort my
child . That was the consensus all around me . My mother was the one who was
strongly for it. I had no thought one way or the other because I was so scared
and numb.
I won’t go into detail about what happened or what it was like -- all I know
is that that day changed the rest of my life forever.
I went to a friend's house that night and they had to take me to the
emergency room. I thought something was wrong with me. It turned out I was
experienceing a major anxiety attack. After all, I did just kill my child.
After my first abortion I still continued being sexually active and guess
what? I got pregnant a third time . This time the abortion was a little easier,
although the pain during this simple procedure was worse than labor. My heart
had turned so hard from turning my back on God and doing whatever I chose to do.
It seemed that God had other plans for getting my attention. When my only
living daughter was two and a half years old she caught a very rare disease and
died 18 hours later. She suffered so much. Thank God she is in heaven. After my
second abortion the doctors inserted an IUD. This was to guard against any
further accidents.
A year after my daughter's death I became pregnant again even with the IUD.
It was a one night stand and we were both drinking heavily. I have to say God
works in mysterious ways. This time I called on Him because I had tried to run
my life by myself for so long and all I produced was death. I chose to keep my
child and had a beautiful healthy baby girl. I stopped the destrucive path I was
going down and trusted Christ to guide me.
When my daughter was nine months old I started dating and eventually married.
The things I allowed to happen to my body made it impossible for me to carry a
child. I became pregnant two times but each time it resulted in an ectopic
pregnancy -- I had one in each tube. That was so devastating. I truly reaped
what I had sown. We did adopt twin boys from Brazil.
My daughter is 18 years old now and a freshman in college. I thought I had
left my past behind but all the damage I did had to be repaired -- I don’t mean
physically I mean emotionally. I truly suffered the damaging effects of
abortion. Thank God He led me to a Project Rachael weekend retreat. It saved my
life and my spirit.
My life has had many twists and turns. My original question was where should
I go from here. I have such a burning desire to share my story hoping to help
teens and women understand the effects of abortion and how each decision we make
in our lives either brings us closer to life or closer to death.
Post-Abortion Facts,
Reconciliation and Healing
