I was 20 years old and had just separated from my then boyfriend. When I skipped my period, I contacted him. I got a pregnancy test done at an abortion clinic (1977). Back then, pregnancy tests were not as available as they are today. I was told the test was positive, and I went numb. I told my boyfriend, and we both felt that there was no way either one of us wanted this. I scheduled the procedure for the following weekend. I had never been to a gynecologist before. I was so naive at the time. I did not know what to expect and I was so, so scared. I never told my parents, no one—not even my best girlfriend. I was so ashamed.
I waited in the clinic hours before they were ready for me. My boyfriend sat in the waiting room. When the doctor came in, he didn't even introduce himself. He threatened to send me to a hospital if I couldn’t stay still. I remember shaking because I was so frightened. I wish someone could have held my hand at least. I was Catholic and in my heart I knew what I was doing was wrong, yet for me at that time, it was the only way. To this day, whenever I hear a vacuum cleaner, I shudder.
As time went on, I felt sadness and remorse. I did open up to a girlfriend shortly after, but to this day I still find it hard to talk about this. I went to a Rachael's Vineyard retreat several years ago and I found forgiveness through a loving and merciful God. I also am now a Christian and from Bible study, I know if God forgave St. Paul for murdering Christians, he has forgiven me. My baby awaits me in heaven. The LORD is taking care of him. I pray every day for any woman/man contemplating abortion, to think twice. The sorrow, regret, and emotional toll, for me, FAR outweighed the inconvenience of an unwanted pregnancy. Several years after my abortion, I married an alcoholic. We had a daughter and several years later, I was divorced.I raised my daughter on my own and put her through college. She is a good kid and I am so, so happy to have her. So I wound up being a single mom anyway.
I remarried a few years ago to a deeply devout Christian man, and I know I have been truly blessed.
