I had an abortion at the solid age of nineteen and I was just about to graduate high school around that time. I missed my period for three months and it never occurred to me I might just be pregnant. I was in a relationship with a guy that always wanted to have sex and we were pretty careless about it. I used to think it was love, so I did anything for him even though I didn't want to have sex most of the time. I know now that is not love!
He wanted us to keep the baby and I guess a part of me wanted to too, but I honestly didn't care. I didn't see how this could affect me at all. I wasn't a Christian either at the time, but I lived in a Christian family. During the abortion procedure I experienced second thinking. My friend who is a counselor told me if I had any doubts then I should just get up and leave even if they wouldn't refund me my money. I wish I listened because as the hours got closer I felt like I shouldn't be doing what I was doing.
I remember when the nurse did a sonogram she didn't even let me see my baby on the screen. I guess she knew if I saw it then I would not want to go through with anything. Having the abortion was the most painful experience in my life! I felt like a part of me was dying and literally something was. As time went on after the abortion I felt and experienced rejection. I felt like my friends and family had changed their minds about me.
My boyfriend left me a year later! Which at the time I was saying that I was glad because he would have left me alone with our child. I knew things wouldn't be different if I had kept it. I became insensitive to things and judged people just to make myself feel better. I guess you can say I tried to avoid the whole abortion situation and replaced it with hatred towards the world. I started to hate that the government was talking about abortions and seeing statuses on Facebook about what they think about abortions.I was just angry at the world for telling people what and what not to do with their bodies.
A few months later I started going to church with a friend because we were talking about changing our lives. I knew at the time I wanted to change my life and the only way to change it is through God. I couldn't do this by myself anymore! I tried that for eight years and look what direction I was going. I knew God would forgive me and he would not judge me.
I am finding my help and forgiveness through God.
