I had an abortion because I was twenty-five, a single mother of two year old daughter, and my life was spiraling out of control. I had already spent years disappointing my parents and because I do not know the father of the baby, I didn’t want to shame my family even more.
During the procedure I was not given any sort of sedative, relaxer, or pain med. The doctor was hateful and criticized me the entire time. The nurse told me I would never have to think about it again. It was very painful both physically and emotionally.
Immediately after the abortion I felt numb. I shut down completely emotionally. As I started to "feel" again all I was able to express was anger..no other emotions. The anger just got worse and worse as the guilt and shame increased. I gained a lot of weight in hopes that no man would ever want to sleep with me...that way I would never have to have another abortion.
I found help and forgiveness through the Bible study Forgiven and Set Free. I started going back to church and learned so much about our loving Heavenly Father. I knew he had not given up on me. I was able to forgive myself and receive the forgiveness of Jesus. I knew I couldn't take back what had been done but to HONOR my baby I would tell my story and reach out to others to either give them the truth (if they are considering abortion) or to walk beside them through the healing process. After I finished my study I began leading and have been doing so since 2008. A few years ago, we switched to Surrendering the Secret and have been using that ever since. I have led around a dozen classes and have also led classes in our local women's prison.
