My story is one of healing through the love of Jesus Christ. I believe that through Him and only Him I have been able to receive healing from my abortion experience 21 years ago. Just like many young women before and after me, I found myself in a very difficult situation and did not know what to do. Not knowing what choices I had, I went to a clinic to seek advice. At that time in my life I did not have a relationship with Jesus or I would have sought His advice as well.
I was hoping that the clinic would give me a variety of information so I could make a good decision. Instead, I got a lot of misinformation on abortion and not much else in the way of options. I was told, “It’s not even a baby, it’s just a blob of tissue,” “Don’t worry, everything will be fine,” and “It’s totally legal, you have nothing to worry about.” So I thought it must be okay. I wasn’t doing anything wrong, so what did I have to worry about. It was definitely the right decision for me; it would solve the problem and then I could go on with my life.
Well I am here to tell you that I was misled, everything would not be fine. They didn’t tell me about the emotional trauma that I would go through after the abortion. It didn’t happen right away, but years later I started wondering why I was suffering from so much sadness, guilt and shame. I couldn’t put it all together right away but soon all the pieces started falling together.
I tried to fix it myself by talking myself out of the emotion. When that didn’t work I sought help from doctors who gave me medicine to help control my emotions. This helped a little, but I still felt like something was not right. Then finally I realized that what I had done was not right or moral, even if people told me it was. When I could no longer cope with the emotions anymore, I took ownership of what I had done and admitted that I had murdered my unborn child. I prayed to God that he would heal me from my greatest sin and He did, right then.
It was such a relief to know that God had forgiven me, but forgiving myself took more time. Over the years God has shown me that He wants me to forgive myself and Jesus is here to help me along the way. Jesus has become my friend; I am able to talk to him about anything and he listens to it all, without rolling his eyes or judging me. He unconditionally loves me for who I am the good, the bad, the past, and the present. He is proud of me for the progress I have made. He encourages me to go deeper with the relationship.
Healing does not happen overnight; I am still a work in progress. Jesus is the ultimate healer; he offers FORGIVENESS, GRACE, HOPE, MERCY, and PEACE to all. Jesus is healing me from my abortion and He can heal you from your suffering too, whatever it may be.
-- Barb, OH