My name is Andrea and I am nineteen years old. I found out I was pregnant a week after I turned nineteen in September. The father of the baby and I were not together at the time, but I had a different guy and he wasn't very happy when both of us found out I was pregnant. I told my mother about me being pregnant. Immediately she wanted me to have an abortion. That's all she wanted me to do. I really had to think about it because I have always wanted kids and I thought I was ready.
So about eight weeks into my pregnancy I had the talk with my mother and I told her that I would go through with the abortion because she didn't want to be a grandmother and nobody else wanted me to have the kid. So the reason I had an abortion was because I made everybody happy and I really didn't think about myself, or the father of the baby. I had to lie to the father because he wanted me to keep it and he said he would keep it until I was able to get my own place and take care of it.
During the abortion procedure I experienced a lot. I was very nervous because I didn't know how I was going to feel afterwards, but at the same time I was happy because at that time, everybody put it in my head that I wasn't ready to be a mother. Immediately after the abortion, I felt kind of happy because I was making everybody else happy, but then again, on the inside, I was very sad because the thought that was running through my head was, "I just killed a kid."
As time went on, it got harder and harder. Every single day since October 22, 2011, it kills me. I cry every single night because I realized that I really did want the child and I could have been ready by the time the baby was here. I was supposed to have my son/daughter somewhere between May 26, 2012 and June 2, 2012, and every single day closer to that time, I cry because it's still not real to me that I had an abortion.
I have not found help yet, but I am planning on it because my family thinks I should be over it, but I am not. And I don't show it in front of them. When I am alone though, I cry my eyes out because I really did want my child. I wish I could find something or someone that could help me get through this. My current boyfriend has been supporting me so much and that is all the support I have ever had.