I had an abortion because the father and I were separated and on our way to divorce. I was too scared to raise a child on my own. I didn't think I could do it and I thought a baby would "get in the way" and be a burden to me and put limitations and restrictions on the life I thought I wanted.
During the procedure I felt numb. I did my best to not think about what was happening. I remember just staring at the light in the ceiling and wishing everything could be different. I just wanted it to be over.
Immediately after the abortion I also felt numb and empty. I had an ill feeling like something was wrong, but just shut those feelings out and tried not to think about anything bad. I tried to convince myself that my life would be so much better now and that I'll find a new man and have lots of children.
As time when on after the abortion, I felt very depressed. After having my daughter ten years later I felt down-right guilty. It has been the worst decision of my life and I beat myself up about it almost daily.
This is my first attempt to find help and seek forgiveness - twelve years after my abortion.