What Keeps me Going

Florida,  United States

I had an abortion in 2008, I was twenty-one years old.  I did it because I had had a baby only three months before and I was scared I couldn't have a baby that soon.  I told myself all these false excuses that I believed at the time.  My boyfriend who is my husband now left this decision up to me, he didn't say yes or no; he said it was my choice.

While at the clinic I was horrified.   I was experiencing all these emotions, I wanted to cry and leave.  I wish that day there would have been a sidewalk counselor but there was none.  The only friend I called said to stay and hung up on me, so I stayed.

My procedure was quick.  It was never confirmed how far along I was.  I was even told they couldn't find my baby on the sonogram but they went ahead with the abortion anyway.  I didn't ask anything, I just wanted to get it over with.

Four years after the abortion I experienced the true feeling of regret and loss.  I had not experienced this pain before.  I realized what I had done.  I now ask myself how would my baby look and now all I want is to see him/her when we meet with the Lord.  I want to see him/her and all the children that were not loved by their mothers.  I want to see them rejoice with their creator and enjoy the beautiful place he has prepared for them. That is the only thing that keeps me going. 

Priests for Life