Still in my Heart

Kentucky,  United States
  Hi, I am Donna Dean, from Mt. Vernon, KY and I’m here to tell my story about my abortion and why I so want an end to this.
In 1971, at the age of 19 years old, I had an unwanted abortion. I was pressured by family and friends who thought it would be wrong to bring an illegitimate baby into the world. I blame no one but myself because I was the one who did it. I wanted my baby because I thought I could have someone who I knew would love me.
I had never traveled any further than Lexington back then. I was a country girl and we didn’t travel much. I met this guy that I thought loved me, the only words I wanted to hear. When I told him I was pregnant, he slammed the door in my face and that was the last time I saw him.
I was taken to a sleazy little back street clinic somewhere in Lexington and examined, and they set up the appointment for my abortion. I was put on a plane and flown to Washington. I guess they weren’t legal in Kentucky yet. I was given a ribbon to wear on my shirt and when we got to Washington, a man in a van picked up about five or six of us girls. They were laughing and smoking and one girl said this was her fifth time there, like it was no big deal.
When we got there, they took us and had us change into gowns and then talked to each one of us. They said this would only take a little while. It wasn’t a baby, it was just a blob that the doctor would suction out and that would be it. What a lie they were telling us. It never ends.
When the doctor came in, he said he was going to give me a shot to numb me. When I heard the suction machine, I thought, my God what have I just done. Why did You let this happen? I felt such shame and guilt and there was a big hole in my heart that I knew I could never fill or replace my little baby.
I eventually turned to alcohol and many failed relationships because I was looking for love in all the wrong places and something or someone to fill this big empty hole.
After many years, I saw Kathy Rutledge on TV at the Bible Baptist Church giving her testimony on Valentine’s Day. It was like she was looking and talking to my very soul. That was the day that I knew God did still love me and forgave me of my sins.
Then I began the long journey of being able to forgive myself. Through lots of prayer, my pastor, and healing programs, I finally knew this was true and such a burden had been lifted from my heart.
I know it is a God thing, because before, you couldn’t have paid me enough to get up in front of a group of people and speak about something that I had been so ashamed of for so many years. I am able to do that now, and for this I Am Silent No More. I hope one day soon to be able to start a healing program like this in my own county.
Robert D. Jones wrote this: When reminders of your past invade, don’t question your kingdom usefulness. That is Satan’s ploy to derail you. Instead, thank God for His commitment to work through your folly to make you more sensitive to fellow sinners. Ask Him to open doors of relational ministry and to give you the wisdom and courage to testify of His life-changing grace in your life.
I so look forward to the dedication of The Kentucky Memorial for the Unborn to be able to finally ask forgiveness from my little baby and dedicate my plaque to little Jacob Daniel Durham and have a place to visit him. Thank you

Priests for Life