Trying to Move On

Illinois,  United States

I was sexually assaulted in June 2008. I found out four weeks later that I was pregnant. I was married at the time and had a four month old baby. My husband knew about the sexual assault but not about the pregnancy. He was gone a lot for work and I didn't want to bother him. I told my friend and she told me that I shouldn't have the baby because that was sick.

I called the abortion clinic near my house and I went in. During the abortion I kept thinking if this was the right choice but I kept telling myself it was. The abortion itself actually hurt a lot. I was awake through the whole thing. The doctor and nurse weren't mean but they really weren't nice either. They seemed cold. I started having a panic attack and the doctor asked me what was wrong and I told him. He said to me that if I hadn't gotten myself into this mess then I wouldn't be here. I felt low and ashamed, not for the abortion but for being raped. 

After the abortion, I tried to move on with my life and care for my infant son. I put it behind me and really didn't think about it.  It wasn't until 2011 when I became pregnant with my daughter that it really hit me. I went to a crisis pregnancy center and had a pregnancy test done. They did an ultrasound and I was six weeks pregnant. I saw what a baby looked like at six weeks. My daughter had a heartbeat and was moving around. I was totally horrified. It was then that what I had done four years prior really hit me. I started counseling and did a bible study through my church and the crisis pregnancy center to help me heal.

Priests for Life