Saying Yes to God

  Tracy
Louisiana,  United States
 
 

 My name is Tracy. I am the proud wife of Tim. We have three beautiful adopted children.  My husband and I were not able to conceive biological children.  I am thankful for my three, God sent, children who are our absolute heart and souls!

 I had the blessing of being a cradle Catholic and my mom and dad took my brother and me to church on Sunday and to CCD.   I had a nice early life….. Until…!

I remember being about twenty-two years old and feeling so sad that nothing could take away my pain.  I downed a bottle of Tylenol P.M.  with a bottle of champagne.  I was hoping not to wake up.  I was so sad, things felt so dark.  This was not the first time that I had tried to numb out the pain in this manner.  The last time I took a bottle of Xanax and my poor parents had to take me to the hospital to have my stomach pumped.   When I came to, I was in a hospital room with my mother and father, who were trying to put the puzzle pieces together as to why in the world I would do such a thing.

 I woke up this time in my bed lying in a pool of my own vomit.  While in the hospital I was visited by my parish priest, Father Fitzsimons.  He spoke with me and made me dig deep inside where together with the Holy Spirit we were able to pull out my sin. 

When I was twenty, I had an abortion.  My boyfriend and I were not brave enough to tell our community or families.  We were so deceived by the lie of abortion.  I never thought that I would be a person who would make such a choice, but here I was murdering my baby.  I put it out of my mind, stuffed it so deep that it could only manifest itself outwardly in my sinful, depressive behavior.  I was a person COMPLETELY different than I had been before.  The person that I once was began to change rapidly, minute by minute, the old me dying off, murdered with my aborted child.

My conversion and healing took a lot of work and it did not happen overnight.  It happened by me, finally, following God’s call, trusting Jesus and saying yes to a Rachel's Vineyard retreat.

It took me about a week to actually make the phone call to Rachel’s Vineyard. With my rosary at my fingertips I did make that call.  The woman who I spoke to on the phone was such a loving and caring person and a true inspiration to me.  I knew that it was going to be life changing for me. 

The day of the retreat I did not pack until five and I had to arrive there by six.   Once I arrived at the retreat the retreat team and Father Long were so welcoming and so warm and loving.  I had an instant peace.  The retreat was hard work and I had to do more digging, but I owed that to my baby!

I was able to make it through the beautiful weekend and I was able to name, honor and memorialize my beautiful Lexi Elizabeth. 

 With the love and support of my family and close friends and sisters and brothers in Christ I will spend the rest of my life telling my story.  I will be praying and saying yes to God each and every time he says to not to be silent again.

We must end the silence or we will have even more abortions. More hurt women who hurt others because of their brokenness and it goes on and on and on.  It has to stop somewhere.  I say NO MORE!  Babies die in the womb and the mother's heart dies on the table... bottom line!! 

I will scream, kick, and fight until the day I die to give a voice to my precious daughter.  It is all I have to honor her.  It's all I have.  So I fight.  I am a mom fighting for her child.  I miss her, and I love her, so I fight.  I fight against abortion!

   
   
Priests for Life
www.priestsforlife.org