Trying to find healing

  Elizabeth
Louisiana,  United States
 
 

THE REASON I HAD AN ABORTION WAS AFTER THE BIRTH OF MY FIRST CHILD I SOON BECAME PREGNANT AGAIN.  MY HUSBAND ALREADY HAD TWO KIDS FROM A PREVIOUS MARRIAGE AND INSISTED THAT WE COULD NOT STAND THE FINANCIAL STRAIN OF HAVING ANOTHER CHILD.  IT HAS BEEN SO LONG SINCE THE ABORTION THAT BUT I REMEMBER FEELING NUMB DURING THE PROCEDURE AND I THOUGHT I HEARD THE DOCTOR AND NURSE PRESENT SAY THAT I WAS FURTHER ALONG THAN I THOUGHT (THEY NEVER CONFIRMED PRIOR TO HOW FAR ALONG BEFORE STARTING THE ABORTION)  WHICH SICKENED ME ALL THE MORE. 

AFTERWARDS I KNEW I HAD DONE SOMETHING TERRIBLE.  AND ALL I FELT WAS ANGER... ANGRY AT MYSELF FOR DOING IT , ANGRY AT MY HUSBAND FOR TALKING ME INTO THIS AND ANGRY AT MY MOM FOR NOT STOPPING ME.  NEARLY THIRTY YEARS HAVE PASSED.   I HAD ONE MORE CHILD BUT I ALWAYS THINK OF MY "LITTLE GIRL" THAT I GAVE AWAY.

 I NEVER REALLY SOUGHT ANY COUNSELING OVER THE YEARS BECAUSE I WAS JUST ASHAMED.  I AM A BELIEVER IN JESUS CHRIST AND IN MY HEART I BELIEVE THAT HE FORGIVES.  I JUST DON'T KNOW THAT I HAVE FORGIVEN MYSELF BECAUSE WHEN I THINK OF IT I JUST WEEP. L ATELY I HAVE BEEN INVOLVED WITH A LOCAL PRO LIFE ORGANIZATION AND IT HAS BROUGHT ALL OF THOSE PAST FEELINGS TO BEAR.  I HAVE NEVER SHARED HOW I FEEL WITH ANYONE CLOSE TO ME NOT EVEN MY HUSBAND.  BUT IT MAY BE TIME TO OPEN UP IN ORDER TO BE HEALED.

   
   
Priests for Life
www.priestsforlife.org