I am a post abortion father. Over thirty years ago, I had a relationship with a girl that ended in an abortion. It seemed convenient at the time and was kept a secret. What I didn't realize then was how this would affect me for the next 30 plus years of my life. Without my even realizing it, the guilt of what I had been part of created anxiousness, anxiety, and an anger hidden deep inside of me that I just couldn't understand. Small issues in life often became big issues to me and really "set me off". I never associated this with the abortion and thought it was just my personality.
My father and I were very close and when he died of brain cancer two years ago, my anger got the best of me. My wife insisted I get help. During the process of counseling for my anger, I finally revealed my abortion story to my wife (I had never told her during 30 years of marriage) and my counselor. Admitting my involvement in the abortion of my little girl was want it took to get me started on a journey of acknowledgement and repentance for what I had been involved in. It also took me through a process of forgiveness for myself and the others involved in the abortion and that brought the healing I needed to move on in life.
As I worked through a study called "Healing a Fathers Heart" with my counselor, I realized how deeply this "spirit of abortion" had gripped my life. It had deeply affected my thought life, it had adversely affected relationships with family and others, and it had kept me distant from God. When I finally forgave myself and those responsible for ending my daughter’s life, there was a huge weight lifted off of me. The power of this forgiveness was like nothing I have ever experienced. It was miraculous, it was life changing, and it brought me tremendous freedom. The anxiety, the anxiousness and the anger that had been with me for so many years was gone. Relationships with family and others that had been difficult for years suddenly changed. I now had a joy in living that I had never experienced before.