If I Could Change My Decision, I Would

Massachusetts,  United States

I had an abortion because I was afraid. I had divorced my first husband. He was arrested for beating me. I started another relationship and became pregnant. This man started to be very controlling with me. I was afraid it was going to turn violent like my previous relationship had. I didn't think he would allow me to terminate the relationship if I had the child. I had no one else to talk to, no one to turn to. My mother gave me the money for the abortion. She dropped me off at the clinic and took my two little girls for the weekend so I could "recover." I have never recovered.

When I went into the clinic, past all the people screaming at me that I was a baby killer and worse, no one tried to educate me or talk to me, to find out why I was doing this or what I was going through. I was just a number. The clinic staff performed the procedure and promptly sent me home. I remember crying all night long, with terrible pains in my abdomen.

The father of the child came to my house that night. I told him at the door that I had lost the baby and he was never to come back. I’ve always felt that the baby I aborted was a boy. Years later I had another baby. This child was a boy. He should have a brother.

If I could go back and change my decision, I would. It has been the biggest, most sorrowful regret in my life.

Priests for Life