I had an abortion because it was not socially acceptable at the time to have a child outside of wedlock, and I was in the process of getting a divorce when I became pregnant. I didn't see any other choice. I thought my career and my life would be wrecked if I had my child.
I don't remember much about the abortion itself; perhaps I have blocked it out. Immediately after the abortion I felt sad, but some sense of relief. I just wanted to forget it and move on.
Then I had my first child, and I started to feel sadness about the child I had aborted. As my children (I have two) have gotten older—and they are such neat, good, decent people who have brought us so much joy—I have felt even sadder that I took my child's life. I wonder what he or she would have been like. I wonder what a positive difference he or she could have made in this broken world. I wish I had made it work somehow. I wish I hadn't been selfish. On the wall of the National Memorial for the Unborn in Chattanooga, Tennessee, I have a plaque that says, "I am so sorry that I was so selfish. Please forgive me."
I was a Christian when I had the abortion, though obviously not walking close to Christ. My healing came through returning to my roots as a Christian, through much study and much prayer before God. His grace is truly amazing, and He is a loving and merciful God. I appreciate His forgiveness so much.
I have recently begun to feel the desire to share my story with others who need healing and forgiveness. I pray that God will lead me in how to do that. Thank you, Silent No More, for the work you are doing.