My name is Monica. To my husband and children, I am wife and mother. In my life, God has blessed me with the gift of motherhood five times over the span of my life. Two of my children are in my life today as happy, living testaments of the gift of life God has generously provided to my husband and I.
Because of the procedure marketed as being “good for me”, 60% of my immediate family is missing; this is the real testament about abortion—the one that Planned Parenthood and abortion clinics does not want you to know.
From an early age, I was dominated by painful emptiness, immaturity and seeking love too soon. I chose to befriend people who were not good for me. As adolescence continued, I found it increasingly difficult to cope with life due to sexual abuses perpetrated on me by close family members and from neighborhood boys.
For me, the denial and lack of security had followed from such breaches of trust.
I sought escape from an intolerable situation and I found it in dysfunctional High School sexual relationship. By the end of my senior year I became pregnant. Terrified at the prospect of having my dreams of furthering my education come to an untimely end, I was even more afraid of disappointing my family fearing the worst. Paralyzed by my financial insecurities, I was compelled to seek an easy fix to what appeared to be an impossible situation. With a heavy heart and confused state of mind, I found myself in my sixth week of my pregnancy walking into the barbed wire fenced abortion compound in El Paso, Texas. I used an alias to disguise my identity. I remember the putrid stench of death that lingered in the waiting room of that facility. This odor was even more intensified as I listened to the filthy wailing of the vacuum, which was used to suck out the embryo that was my baby. Although my boyfriend knew, he never discouraged me from my decision nor did he provide me any comfort during my state of what I can only describe as unconsciousness. I came to learn that this procedure that was sold to me and the profound impact of this so-called “service” would forever change my life, as I knew it.
I wish I could tell you that I learned a great lesson after my first abortion experience. My mask remained firmly in place however, while the lies of the “quick-fix” pro-choice crowd drowned out any sense that may have been made by the pro-lifers on the sidewalk. I became a by-product of a firmly established pro-choice culture and used abortion to keep consequences and responsibilities at bay.
As I aborted my second and third babies, I plummeted into a lifestyle that corresponded to how I felt on the inside. My dark soul was consistent with a lack of emotion, loss of a wanting a committed relationship, reckless sexual behaviors, and self-destructive drinking. I stumbled upon the notion that I had abandoned all my values, my dignity, and myself and therefore had nothing to live for that served any purpose. All that remained was the guilt and shame of the person I had been before the abortions. Had I known then what I now know, I would have never bought into the lies that the abortion clinic sold me.
Abortion is not a choice. For me it was prison. There is no such thing as a "Choice to Kill". But that is mistakenly and dreadfully what they try to peddle. That lie is what cost me my freedom and integrity and what cost my three babies their lives. Abortion is the greatest destroyer of love and peace. It teaches us that we can use violence and killing to get what we want. It diminishes the value of an entire group of people, the unborn. The irony of placing oven mitts over the ice-cold stirrups to make my feel comfortable stands in stark contrast to the final horrific moments of my child’s very short life.
It would be another twelve years before I found that I could no longer endure the weight of the chains that shackled me to the guilt of my abortions. The side effects were horrific. I regret these actions with every fiber of my being and it was then that I found the courage to beg for mercy from my Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. Face down while at the foot of the cross I was set free. I asked Jesus to create in me a clean heart and renew within me an upright spirit just like the prayer we learned as children. He picked me up and met me right where I was. This is where my healing began
King James Bible
The LORD is my shepherd; I shall not want.
He maketh me to lie down in green pastures:
He leadeth me beside the still waters.
He restoreth my soul:
The path of change and recovery has not been easy. Through God's grace, I have learned to forgive myself. I have been blessed in the journey. Today I have been restored to a true dignity and a new freedom. I am no longer shackled by guilt and shame. I have been given the grace and courage to stand boldly before you today and insist that women and men deserve better than abortion. As consumers, we have rights. We now have a responsibility to our culture to speak out about this deadly product. I wish I never would have bought the awful product that is abortion and I will continue to devote my life to this message to remain Silent no More.