Fragile Humanity

Ontario,  Canada

In 2002, I was 20 years old and found myself pregnant. I had been sleeping with a guy that I did not love, figuring we were safe as I was on the Pill-I was not in the relationship for the long haul.

When I found out I was pregnant, I broke off the relationship. He never had a say in any of the choices I made. During one conversation, I remember him telling me that it was my decision and he was ok either way. I just wanted out of what I saw as an impossible situation.

There was little support from family. One family member even encouraged Abortion. I went to the Health Unit to confirm the pregnancy-when they told me, I cried. I had gone alone to the appointment. I remember the Nurse asking me what I wanted to do. Fear gripped me and I said, through my tears, something like: "I can't keep it". Without question, she handed me a card with the Doctor's number and a telephone to make an appointment for an Abortion.

I was never offered counseling, or told to go home and think it over.  Adoption was never mentioned. From that point, I was able to put my head in the sand and wait for it to all be over.  I had an appointment with Dr. Handscomb's clinic, my friend went with me.  He did an internal exam to confirm that I was six weeks pregnant.  I was never offered any literature on my developing baby, nor was I shown an ultrasound.   I was given some info on the procedure I was to undergo; a "Therapeutic D&C" it was called.  He gave me a prescription for antibiotics and the Pill instructing me to begin taking them right away.

The "Therapeutic D&C" was performed at Windsor Regional Hospital where I was placed under general anesthetic, so I have no recollection of the procedure but I do remember being in the recovery room and seeing all the blood I was losing.  For a fraction of a second, I thought about my baby but quickly buried those thoughts.

I was sent home that day and I tried to get on with my life.  I remember feeling relieved that I could get back to normal.  It wasn't long before the sadness crept in.  It overshadowed my life, made me break out in tears, seemingly over nothing.  Why did I have these feelings?  It was no big deal, right?  The Doctor and Nurses had acted as if they'd done me a huge service, so why did I feel like I had been duped, robbed, why was I grieving?

In the Lord's Mercy, He brought people into my life within weeks of the Abortion. People who loved LIFE and served God.  They loved me, showed me to the cross and it was there that I was able to acknowledge my Sin, grieve my loss, hand my 'choice' to murder my baby to Jesus where He took it upon Himself. In that, I have found forgiveness and peace.

I still think about my baby from time to time and weep. But reading Genesis 50:20 gives me hope: "As for you, you meant evil against me, but God meant it for good, to bring it about that many people should be kept alive".

It is my prayer that my story might keep women from the horror of Abortion and save the life of an unborn child.

Someone once asked me what it would have taken for me to keep the baby or give it up for adoption? I needed someone who cared about me to look me in the face, with love, and tell me that I would regret this for the rest of my life and that they would do everything they could to support me. I would have needed them to understand my fragile humanity and gently point out that I was carrying a smaller version of the same.  They could have changed my mind and that is why I share my story.  Please, choose life!

Priests for Life