I am Cathy Kerr and I am here to tell you how abortion has had a devastating effect on my life. I found out I was pregnant when I was nineteen. My boyfriend had led me to believe that he loved me and that we would be married. However, he quickly changed his mind and pressured me to have an abortion. The one thing that sticks in my mind still today is all the LIES I heard from that point on. I received no help or alternatives from the few friends I told, and at that time (1971) there were no agencies which provided alternatives to abortion. Even our family doctor recommended an abortion clinic in New York. When I realized that I was trapped, I completely shut down and became a machine, doing what everyone said I should do to “eliminate the problem.” What they don’t tell you is that what you eliminate is a life, and that you only add a lifetime of serious problems.
I remember feeling a depressing numbness from that point on. I knew that I was about to do something very wrong, and yet I didn’t feel there was any way out. I felt I had no choice! During the examination the day before with the doctor, I was made to feel very stupid. He was cold and impatient and had no sympathy for me whatsoever. He said it was only “a blob of tissue at this stage.” He did not tell me about the after-effects of abortion or about risks to my health or life.
The next day at the hospital, I felt like I was part of a cattle call. Everyone kept their heads and eyes down. Although I had been told that I wouldn’t feel much pain (only some pressure), it was extremely painful, and I will never in my life forget the loud horrifying sound of the suction machine taking the life out of my body. I cried desperately in sorrow and pain. For some perverse reason, the doctor told me that it was a boy….as if I had just delivered a baby! I cannot explain the great sense of loss I felt after I left the hospital. I learned quickly to hide my feelings and put on a good front, but I was very miserable and lonely for many years.
It has been through counseling, retreats and a loving husband, I have been able to face my sin and accept God’s mercy and forgiveness.
Throughout the years, the abortion has negatively affected my marriage, my self-worth, my emotional and physical health, my children and most of all….the life of my first-born son, whose name is Joseph. And for his sake, and the sake of others like myself who have been scarred by abortion, I will be silent no more!