If you would’ve asked me 18 years ago if I regretted my abortion, my quick answer to you would’ve been NO! I justified my abortion for a long list of reasons, not knowing then, what I know now.
I was 18 years old, a senior in High School, an athlete and a good student. I allowed myself to become involved with people who had a bad influence on me. Unfortunately, I became pregnant by a man that I had no intentions of living my life with. I was faced with making a choice of LIFE or DEATH!
February 19th, 1994 will be a day I never forget…the day I had my abortion and selfishly took my child’s life. I was not ready to be a mother and I thought I would disappoint my family, so I chose to end my child's life.
This was the day that chained me to silence, and began a LONG and PAINFUL road of emotional roller-coasters, self-destruction, alcohol use to numb the emotional pain, shame, guilt, and anger just to mention a few of the “side-effects” of my abortion. The abortion clinic workers never warned me about the certain destruction of Post- Abortive Trauma.
I remember being emotionally numb, stuffing my fears and doubts as far away in my mind as I could, so I could get through the “procedure”.
The workers at the clinic told me: “It’s just a mass of tissue, nothing to worry about” (LIE #1); “This will be a fairly quick procedure, you will feel a little bit of discomfort, but when it’s done, you won’t have to worry about “IT” anymore” (LIE #2); “It’s OK! You’re almost all back to normal now” (LIE #3). A decision made, based all on a woman’s right to choose and masked by a series of LIES! I left the clinic that day with a sense of relief “it” was done, not knowing the pain that lie ahead.
For 13 years I kept my abortion a secret, telling only the father of my baby. And for 13 years I suffered silently, thinking that I couldn’t be forgiven. I have since discovered that God is bigger than abortion, shame and guilt.
Through healing studies, I have received God's forgiveness and reconciliation. I have found healing through sharing my story and helping others.
The chains of silence have been broken, I’ve forgiven myself, and been able to grieve and love the child I never held…her name is Samantha Joy.
The Lord has given me my joy back that was taken from me February 19th, 1994! This is why I AM SILENT NO MORE!!!