My name is Deb and I am from St. Louis. I come before you today a forgiven, and cherished child of God compelled to witness to His saving grace and mercy, which I desperately needed because of my decision in 1979, to end the life of my child through abortion.
Six months into a relationship I discovered I was pregnant. Because of his disapproval, my fear of being abandoned and the crushing shame of facing my family, I aborted my unborn child.
The procedure was painful, but nothing could have prepared me for the spiritual, emotional and psychological consequences I would suffer. I was not relieved as my boyfriend assured me I would be. No, I was devastated, the guilt and shame were indescribable, I was inconsolable. In the deepest part of me, I could sense something very precious had disappeared. I allowed them to rip my innocent child from my womb and I also believed any connection to God had been severed. All I could do was weep. To deaden my pain, I used drugs and alcohol. Seeing babies in any form turned my stomach.
Pregnant with my second child, I was terrified that God might exact His judgment and revenge for my terrible choices. When my son was born healthy I was hopeful. After a second healthy baby, the memory of the abortion faded but shame and guilt still paralyzed me. Living a half-conscious life experiencing brief moments of peace, until Feb.1990 when I began a relationship with the man who would change my life, Jesus Christ. I discovered that not only did He love me; He offered me reality. I saw the ugliness of my heart, I knew I could not save myself; I accepted Jesus’ gift of salvation. No halleluiahs, only peace. In the years following I learned that, while God’s forgiveness is immediate, healing takes time. After working through a Bible study called Forgiven and Set Free I discovered that, not only does His love heal; I was, and still am captivated by His love for me. This gift is why I’m silent no more!