I was eighteen years old when I became pregnant, scared and confused I looked for advice at a Planned Parenthood. I was easy prey because of my distress and I bought the lie that was sold to me.
I left Planned Parenthood with a quickly made appointment for an abortion and in a couple days without being told of the consequences I would face I was sitting in the waiting room an abortion clinic. Thinking this was my only choice when my name was called I slowly entered through the doors to a room where my child’s life would end. I would never meet the person about to take the life of my child. He just entered the room prepared for his mission of destruction, and with no explanation of what was going to occur to me, he began the execution.
The procedure was painful physically. It felt exactly like what was happening. A suction would rip my baby from my womb, all I could do was stare at the wall biting my lip trying to get through it all.
In the days and months following my abortion I would relive that procedure. The sounds of the suction, the coldness of the room…soon the impact of my decision and its consequences started to evolve.
I became depressed and both my physical and emotional pain grew. Alcohol and drugs became my comfort and escape from the pain. I hated myself and I became numb to my feelings. I grew distant from the ones who loved and cared for me the most, my family and especially God.
I had no one to talk to, this was a difficult secret to bear alone and the thoughts of ending my life became more frequent. I knew if I did not seek help those thoughts would soon be reality. I went to a church. As I begged God to help me a priest entered the church and by the grace of God I gained the strength to seek help. Our conversation gave the hope I needed to begin to pull my life back together. He became my confessor, spiritual guide and friend in the beginning of a long journey I was about to take.
After several years, this journey took me to a special place of healing. Rachel’s Vineyard. This is where I experienced God’s mercy and forgiveness and I had come to forgive myself I left the retreat no longer bound to my past sinful actions. I realized no matter what I had done, no sin was beyond the reach of God’s grace. I reconnected even more with my faith and I was finally able to grieve the loss of my son John Michael.
Until abortion ends… I will remain silent no more.