My abortion has in so many ways shaped who I am. After my abortion I became a drug addict, trying to self-medicate. For so many years I blamed myself for being weak. You cannot begin to imagine the years I spent using drugs, destroying myself because I knew I was going to hell, because I knew I was too smart and too moral to have let that happen.
I have been clean for twelve years now. I have worked as a drug counselor. I have two biological sons, seventeen and fourteen, and a fourteen-year-old stepson. I own my own business and am back in school getting a degree in social work. I still struggle with anxiety, especially socially recently, but I have been working so hard in therapy.
I lost so much of my life to that abortion. I lost my oldest child, a child I mourned for so long. But I refuse to give up anymore. I refuse to give my ex-fiancé any more power or to live in the guilt that I allowed my child to be killed as I lay there. I'm forty now and I want the second half of my life to be about being comfortable with myself and finding happiness and helping others. I believe God wants me to own my faults, amend them, forgive myself, and live. Thank you.