I had my abortion on August 6, 1978. I was single and didn't want to be a single parent. I was a new believer in Jesus Christ as my Lord and Savior at the time of the abortion. I didn't have any opinion for or against abortion at that time. I'm not sure why, but I was determined to have this abortion. I thought it was the solution to my "problem." I was six and a half weeks pregnant. I had a vacuum aspiration abortion. I wouldn't let anyone talk me out of doing it?although now, of course, I wish somebody would have been brave enough to do so.
During the abortion, I asked questions. The doctor and the nurse answered them and were very attentive to me. I remember feeling a bit anxious because I didn't know what to expect. I’d had morning sickness 24/7 during that six weeks. As soon as my baby was aborted, that sickness went away. I did experience cramping right after the abortion.
Afterward, I felt relief and actually went out to lunch with my friend. I was no longer sick and my "problem" was gone. What they didn't tell me at the clinic was what would happen to me later. Maybe in the late 1970s they didn't really know.
I went on with my life thinking I would be unscathed by this event, but I was wrong. I experienced anxiety, depression, lack of healthy relationships with men, the inability to complete things, lack of healthy relationships with friends, and a myriad of other "side effects." Since the abortion, I have not had a relationship with a man. I'm a never-married single and I attribute that to the fact that I had an abortion. I’ve avoided relationships because I’ve been afraid that would happen again.
I named my baby David about ten years later, but I continued to live under the condemnation of what I had done.
I had sat through many Sanctity of Human Life Sundays, but in 2010 (only three years ago!) God got ahold of me. I was led to my local pregnancy counseling center in Santa Rosa, California. I really wanted to help other women who were suffering in some way because of their abortions, but I was told I needed to go through this Bible study, "Forgiven and Set Free," first before beginning any training. I thought I was doing OK, but once the Bible study started I realized that I had never accepted Jesus' forgiveness for my abortion and was still hurting very deeply. I didn't think that forgiveness was possible. Then, near the end of this most powerful Bible study, Jesus personally showed me how completely He had forgiven me back in 1978 when I first asked Him. From that moment on, without a doubt, I have known that I am forgiven and have truly been set free from the condemnation I lived under for thirty-one and a half years!
I am now living in Coeur d'Alene, Idaho, and am involved in the post-abortion ministry at Open Arms Pregnancy Care Center. I am a co-leader for the "Forgiven and Set Free" Bible study.
This past National Sanctity of Human Life Sunday, January 20, 2013, I had the privilege of sharing my testimony with the congregation at my church, Candlelight Christian Fellowship. My desire is to no longer be silent about my sin. If we break the silence, help, hope, and healing can take place, and this is possible only through our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ, who went to the Cross two thousand years ago for all of our sin -including the sin of abortion. I pray that my words will bring hope to those who are currently living under that condemnation. God bless you!