I was able to start to forgive myself, for the first time

  Judy Ann
Maine,  United States
  In 1976, at the age of 17, I had a baby.  I married the baby's father when our daughter was two years old in 1978.  In 1980, we got a divorce.  I found out I was pregnant, again, by the same father.  He didn't want the baby. So, in 1981, at sixteen weeks pregnant, and at the age of 22, after just having gone through a divorce, I had an abortion.  Little did I know how my life was to change.  

When I was at the hospital and going through the abortion, I separated myself from the whole situation.  After that my emotions went numb and I became very quiet.  (I was a shy person anyway, so I didn't think any differently.)  I started to have nightmares and became very depressed.  I didn't realize, at the time, that the depression was associated with the abortion.  I didn't realize what depression was, either.    

In 1986, I re-married.  We had two children,  and I also had a miscarriage.  In 1997, I went to confession, and after realizing what I had done, I had a breakdown and ended up in the hospital.  I was diagnosed with depression.  

It's been an up hill battle since.  In 2003, I went to a Project Rachel Prayer Service and cried through the whole service.  I felt a healing at the service.  Later that year, I went on a Rachel's Vineyard Retreat.  During this retreat  I was able to start to forgive myself, for the first time  It still was a journey for me to fully forgive myself.  After I did I felt more at peace.  Thank God for my faith.  It has pulled me through a lot.  I felt content with everything in my life.  

In 2009, after 22 years of marriage, my husband decided he had enough of my illness.  We got a divorce.  I went into another deep depression and ended up in the hospital again.  I started going to counseling and taking medication.  It's taken another three and a half years to finally feel better about myself again. Thank God, again, for my faith.
Priests for Life