He Has Made Them White As Snow

  Alicia
Virginia,  United States
 
  To Whom it May Concern:
    Before I became a Christian, I was acting out sexually and enjoying recreational drug use.  At age 16 I began  to use harder drugs and had a boyfriend, so sex and drugs became a common occurrence whenever
    we had the chance.  No wonder at age 17 I got pregnant.  I used my older sister’s ID to get the abortion so I
    didn’t have to tell my parents.  The morning of the abortion, I told them my boyfriend and I were going out
    for breakfast and they bought it.  After the abortion, the clinic sent me home with birth control pills.  10
    years later at age 27, I was a full blown ‘modern woman’ with the good career, constant dating and
    constant partying.  I got off birth control pills to give my body a break and got pregnant again.  This time I
    decided that, because of all the drugs I had done the last month, it would not be good to have the baby so
    I aborted again thinking that one of these days I would have children when it was right for me and not an
    ‘accident’ but a planned pregnancy.  At that time, my career was going well and I didn’t want the
    inconvenience.  Too bad no one told me about giving the baby up for adoption and that pregnancy centers
     help you have the baby, help with the costs and finding adoptive parents.
    At age 32 God plucked me from the muck and the mire and placed me on the solid rock of Christ Jesus and
     I’ve been walking with him ever since (clean & sober).  This began my wisdom journey about the horrors of
     abortion and the toll it takes on men and women involved in the abortion decision.
    After becoming a Christian, I learned that abortion was wrong and that all life is precious.  I knew about
    God’s forgiveness and I freely received it for all my sins.  I was fine with the wreckage of my past knowing
    that God redeems the past and took my shame and sin away by Christ’s work on the cross.  But when it
    looked like I wasn’t going to have any children because of divorce, and I was now abstinent and single, I
    mourned for the two lives I could have birthed so many years ago. .  
    
    I heard about the Post Abortion Bible Study, and I signed up for it knowing that I love Bible studies but I
    also had never done a specific study focusing on abortion.  One thing I learned is that God is not
    punishing me by not giving me children.  I didn’t realize that I struggled with thinking that when things go
    ‘wrong’, it’s because I’ve done something wrong and God is punishing me.  This is bad theology.  God’s
    plans are sometimes beyond my understanding and I am to trust Him knowing He loves me and is not
    punishing me.  I am more than the choices that I’ve made, more than the sum of my mistakes, I’ve been
    remade (to quote a Tenth Avenue North song).
    
    From the Bible study, I’ve also learned that without children, I’ve been feeling less than a woman.  I’ve
    even thought that women at my church respected me more when I had my step children, but now that I  
    once again don’t have any,  I’ve lost their respect.  I’ve learned that women who have had abortions
    struggle with not feeling womanly knowing that we got rid of such an important part of being a
    woman—motherhood, but once again, God’s word is true…I have everything I need for godliness.  I am
    whole and complete because of Jesus in me, the hope of glory.  I rest in Him and live and breathe for an audience of One.  I now know the depth and breadth of God’s love for us, even when we miss the mark because after all, that’s what sin is—missing the mark and why Jesus went to the cross.  Though our sins were as scarlet, He has made them white as snow.
   
   
Priests for Life
www.priestsforlife.org