"No one should have to go through this."

  Sharyn
Tennessee,  United States
 
  I don't know why I called my mother that day.  I was getting ready to call my ob/gyn--back then the doctors wanted you to miss three full periods before coming in.  I was sitting on my bed, making phone calls, and I called my mother.  When I gave her the "good" news, she started SCREAMING at me over the phone.  "If you DARE have another BABY this soon, YOU are definitely STUPIDER than I give you credit for!" (I had had my daughter, Elisaba, not even a year earlier) And she slammed down the phone.  I just sat there for a while and then called my ob/gyn and asked if I could get an abortion. The receptionist (who had been so wonderful and nice during my previous pregnancy) barked off a phone number and hung up on me.  (She didn't say Dr. So and So, just a 7 digit number) I called the number where they answered, "Hello".  Again, not Dr. So and So's office. I was given an address, it was a private residence. I was examined to see if I was indeed pregnant.  I was. The next morning, I checked into Rome Memorial/Mary Murphy Hospital (the same hospital my daughter was born at), this time in the surgery ward. I remember my husband dropped me at the front door and left.  I sat in my room in a chair for a long time. Someone, maybe a nurse, asked me if I was going to change my clothes.  I said, "I don't know if I'm going to stay...."
I have no memory from then on.  I don't know how I got home.  I imagine my husband drove me.  The next thing I do remember is standing on my stairs at home.  I had signed up to sell Tupperware, and this woman manager was in my living room NAGGING on me about parties and down lines.  I was bleeding pretty heavily, and I remember collapsing.
From there, I began to drink.  I would go out several times a week.  My husband gave me my space.  I started an affair and moved out from my husband and into the trailer of the person with whom I was having an affair.  I flew home to Sacramento, CA that Christmas.  My mother had sent me a one way ticket because she wanted to see my daughter, Elisaba.  There was a promise of a return ticket, but it never happened.  I became more and more promiscuous.  I drank A LOT.  I started snorting coke.  My husband and I tried to reconcile, but I thought I was too damaged so I broke it off.  I married two more times.
In 1990, I stopped drinking and drugging and sleeping around.  But I never knew why I did it all. I told no one about the abortion and tried to forget it happened at all.  Eventually, I went back to drinking and kept that up until just recently.
No one should have to go through this.  Not the shame, the humiliation, the guilt; and that is why I am silent no more!


   
   
Priests for Life
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