Not Quiet Any Longer

  Lynda
Oregon,  United States
 
  Hi, my name’s Lynda, and I’m here to honor my daughter, Hope Marie who I aborted in 1975.  As a 21 year old college student, my life was on track.  Then, I went on vacation and through some stupid decisions, I found myself pregnant.  I didn’t know what to do about it, anything.  My mom found out that I was pregnant because of my morning sickness.  Her comment to me was, “We’ll take care of this.  I’m not going to make one mistake ruin your life like it ruined mine.”  I didn’t realize until almost three years later that she was referring to me.  I was the mistake that had ruined her life.  
I went to the doctor.  It was a regular doctor.  It wasn’t a clinic.  He examined me and said, “Okay, you’re almost 12 weeks along.”  I said, “No, I know exactly when I got pregnant.  I’m 10 weeks along.”  He said, “Any problems?”  I said, “Yeah, morning sickness.”  He gave me a prescription, and I said, “What will this do?”  He said, “Don’t worry about.  You’re going to have the abortion anyway, so don’t worry about the birth defects.”  I just looked at him.  I went and had the abortion two days later.  I remember crying.  I remember hearing a vacuum and realizing in my subconscious that that was my baby.

College degree, but turned to a life of bad relationships trying to replace the loss that I didn’t even know I felt.  I ended up pregnant, and we got married.  I had a beautiful daughter.  Three years later, I had a beautiful son.  Fast forward about 16 years, and I made arrangements for my daughter to have an abortion.  I also had a part in killing my first grandchild.  It wasn’t until I came out here to Salem and started searching and started having dreams.  I know now that that was God’s way of getting me where he wanted me.  I thought I’d been a Christian all my life, that that was just something that happened.  That was a glob of tissue, nothing to be concerned about until I started reliving over and over and over the abortion.
    I could see the office.  I could see the doctors face, and I could hear his impersonal remarks of, “No big deal.  We’ll take care of it.”  I struggled to know who to turn to.  At that time, I was a deaconess in my church, and I’m going, “I can’t confess this to anybody.  I killed my baby.  I killed my grandchild.  How can I be a deaconess in church?  I’m not a good Christian woman.”  My pastor’s wife spoke with me.  She knew something was going on, and she met with me when I went and spoke to her husband.  I felt such compassion from him that I did not think was possible coming from a man of God.
    I thought I was going to get the hell fire, damnation speech.  The one thing he said to me, and I have repeated this over and over and it gets me through several things, he said, “Lynda, when that abortion doctor performed the abortion, Jesus was right there to welcome your daughter into Heaven.”  I thought, “Wow, I have a daughter in Heaven that’s waiting for me.”  He gave me the name of somebody to call for the SaveOne recovery.  I went through that recovery Bible study, and it was the hardest thing I’ve ever done.  Since then, I’ve decided that I cannot be quiet any longer.
    That was not a glob of tissue that was just a medical procedure.  That was my daughter.  For the 55 million that have been aborted so far, those are kids.  I thank God they’re in Heaven right now.  I’m speaking out for all those unborn babies, and we need to recognize that we did hurt.  We were lied to.  I look at the ultrasounds now, and I think, “That’s what my baby was doing.  She wasn’t a glob of tissue.”  She will never again be a glob of tissue in my mind.  Thank you.
   
   
Priests for Life
www.priestsforlife.org