The light in my life was turned off

  Heather
Manitoba,  Canada
 
  I was thirteen, in grade nine, innocent and naïve when the light on my life was turned off and it changed forever!  

ABORTION was only allowed in Canada with the approval of three doctors. With that approval my baby’s life was terminated through a therapeutic abortion. When I asked questions about the baby’s development, I was told that it wasn’t a baby but a bunch of cells and that the spirit would not enter until 4 months. I was admitted to the hospital and told I would be having a D & C. I believed my parents & doctor when they told me that my body wasn’t developed enough to go through a pregnancy. I became pregnant in February and now it was May, my baby was 13 weeks old. When I came home the sun was shining and the birds were singing, but I had sunk into a deep pit of despair.

For the next 34 years I suffered with depression, anxiety, anger, low self-esteem, guilt & shame. I had nightmares about missing babies, baby parts and blood. At times I contemplated suicide. In relationships I found it difficult to trust men and suffered from emotional numbing. I married and divorced 3 times. When I did have my children I felt unworthy as a mother and had difficulty bonding emotionally with them. I spent years going to counselors, searching for the reason I felt so depressed and why I was having so much trouble enjoying my life.

In 2005 I wanted to work in a crisis pregnancy center. It was then that I experienced healing around my abortion. I realized that I had been suffering in silence with my secret. What a relief to find out that the life I had been living, with all of the instability, had its source in my abortion experience.

Today I want to say that I regret my abortion. I regret all of the negative consequences that affected my life and the lives of others as a result of that decision.

   
   
Priests for Life
www.priestsforlife.org