"Therefore, there is even now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus"

  Candace
Colorado,  United States
 
   chose abortion for three of my children during a 10 year abusive marriage because I was not strong enough to stand up to my husband. Raised as a Christian, I rebelled in college and was very promiscuous. I had a miscarriage in college and was left alone to deal with the effects. I married the next man I started dating. He was not a Christian and became addicted to marijuana and alcohol. Almost three years after our first child, I became pregnant again and during an argument he kicked me in the stomach.  

Abortion was something I never imagined I would ever have, but without God in my life I was deceived and did not have the courage to stand up against it. 4000 miles away from parents and family I reluctantly went to the military hospital and had an abortion. I tried to back out and went home, but after another fight with my husband, went back.
 
I wasn't told of the possible problems I might have, but I felt I had no other choice and had to keep working. My husband spent his income on his drugs and music, and I tried to be the responsible one and save the marriage. The second abortion was in a civilian hospital while still in the Air Force. I was angry and numb and tried to forget it all and go on with life. A bad marriage became worse and my esteem was at its lowest.
 
Thinking things would get better when we left the Air Force, I kept hoping for the best. Our daughter was born when we relocated back near my family where I had support for the pregnancy. I would not consider abortion. Our marriage did not improve when we were in civilian life. I began seeing a psychiatrist and was admitted to the psychiatric ward for two weeks because of the problems I was having. During that time I got the third abortion. He left and married his secretary who smoked with him, and I was left to raise two children. Abortion sealed the death of the marriage.
 
At 32 I was divorced and diagnosed with Crohn's Disease which I believe was caused by the denial of all the grief and sorrow I had not allowed myself to feel as well as the anger towards my husband, i.e. the sin in my life. I was teaching school and able to function with prednisone. There weren't any serious relationships in my life, and I did not turn to drugs and alcohol nor consider taking my life, but my emotions were effected and I had a hard time expressing love to my children and controlling my anger. Mostly it was directed towards my ex-husband. My life was greatly limited, but I managed to support two children and myself. I still allowed myself to get involved in a few sexual relationships, but never got serious with anyone. After all of what had happened I still wanted to remarry and have a good life for my children and me. I tried to get involved in church and wanted to get "back to God".
 
Six years after my divorce I met a Christian man and we were married. More than anything I wanted the marriage to work and did not even tell him about a lot of my past, esp. the abortions, for two years. We recommitted ourselves to the Lord and took the children to church. Our lives were stressed by his losing his job and our home after 11 years. We believed I was going to be healed of Crohn's Disease, but I still had two surgeries and almost died. It was in this difficult circumstance that God brought us to a church that believed with us the word of God on healing. I studied and read the Word about healing and forgiveness. My husband had said from the beginning, "You're going to be healed."
 
My physical symptoms left and I was able to go off all medication. I professed God's promise of healing and deliverance for me and have been healed of Crohn's disease for almost 20 years.  Finally after years of keeping the three abortions a secret even in church, I began to come out with my past about 5 years ago. I almost gave up on my marriage because I still was having a lot of anger and had not been delivered from the past. I volunteered to be post-abortion counselor in our local Pregnancy center and received more healing in a class while training.  We did a memorial service for all three babies and my husband joined me. He helped me name them and even had his name on the certificate as "adopted by". Jesus has truly healed my mind, body and emotions and promises to complete His work in me. Praise God.
 
I can see today where God was there even when I was rejecting Him and leading my own life. I am 69 years old today and in wonderful health and have been married 31 years. My love for Jesus, my husband, and others has grown and I am not afraid to give my testimony now. Healing came from the Lord...through the cross and what Jesus did for me. We have between the two of us six children, with four others in heaven, 11 grandchildren and four great grandchildren. What a blessing for a woman who did not think she would live to see her children grown. "Therefore, there is even now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus, because through Christ Jesus, the law of the Spirit of life set me free from the law of sin and death." Romans 8:1-2 
   
   
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