Revealing His mission for me

California,  United States
  I didn't think twice about having an abortion when I made that decision. I was using drugs and did not want to bring a child into the life that I was living. Getting pregnant was a wake-up call.   It scared me straight to the point that I stopped doing drugs.  I was still numb to it.  I went under anesthesia and told only a few people about it. It wasn't until 6 years later when I was in a personal development training that I cried about it and mourned the loss of life and asked for forgiveness. After that program I decided I wanted to be Catholic (I was baptized as a child but never received confirmation).  As I went to my first confession and many confessions after that I confessed about the abortion, but I still felt like I had made the right choice. Part of me felt justified.   After the abortion I turned my life around and stopped doing drugs, so I thought God had gotten through to me.

When I was in Brazil for World Youth Day 2013, I prayed for an open heart, open ears, and an open mind. I also prayed for God to reveal his mission for me as I embarked on the World Youth Day pilgrimage. I could feel God's presence as I prayed and I could also feel the presence of that child. I have a sense that it was a girl and I have named her Sage. From that point on in Brazil I was weeping, I finally mourned the loss of my child. I felt God showing me that I was wrong. For the first time I was sorry with my whole heart. He gave me the open heart that I had asked for in my prayers. I recognize this experience as God revealing His mission for me, to speak about abortion and help other women faced with that decision. This is my first step in being silent no more.
Priests for Life