I will not be silent anymore

New York,  United States
  My name is Darlene, and I had an abortion.  I came from a very dysfunctional family, but that is no excuse.  I lived in the home of my father's mistress.  I went to college and met up with a very charming young man. He was a smooth talker, and I was desperate to have somebody love me.  He took me on a path of drinking, smoking pot, and giving into what felt good.  I thought this was love.  

He used me up and tossed me away when the other girl he was intimate with became pregnant.  His roommate Trace thought because I was intimate with Rick I would be intimate with him.  I still needed someone to love me so I gave in to his demands and I became pregnant.  So this is where the story goes to and ends in the death of Benjamin. I told the father I was pregnant and his famous last words were “How do I know it’s mine?”

I was told by my father's mistress I had to tell my father when she figured out I was pregnant.  So I went to my dad seeking his wisdom and counsel and this is what I got.  I can still see the disappointment in his eyes and hear the words he said.  “So you let your --- rule your head.  Get rid of it and you can be Daddy’s little girl again.  What a crock.”  So the appointment was made at Planned Parenthood in Schenectady New York.  

My father's mistress drove me and dropped me off at the door. So here I am a 19 year old girl all alone going to have an abortion.  I had never been to a gynecologist and I didn’t know what they were going to do to me. I didn’t know that I had the right to say NO.  I was whisked away into a room and handed a bunch of papers.  I didn’t understand and was told to just sign them and get on with it--they had a schedule to keep.  Then I was whisked into another room and told to strip down and get on a table.  There were all these scary looking instruments on a tray. Then in comes a man with a gown and mask.  He never said anything to me. He just started ordering a nurse to do this and that.  The next thing I knew I was strapped down to a table and I was in the worst agony and pain I have ever experienced.  I literally died that day, as I am the victim of a botched abortion.   I have been with Jesus and my son Benjamin in heaven, and I didn't want to come back but God in his infinite wisdom sent me back and I kept silent.  

I have been a secretkeeper for 33 years.  I couldn't tell anyone who would listen and understand my pain.  Everybody said just put it behind you and get on with your life, it’s over and done with.  But it wasn't and never would be. So here I am silent no more.  I am Darlene, and I had a son Benjamin whom I chose to abort.  He had a life and I took it from him.  Through Rachel's vineyard I have been able to acknowledge that I am Benjamin's Mom, and he is in heaven with Jesus.  I gained a precious gift the day I acknowledged Benjamin my son and my voice to tell your story. I will not be Silent anymore!

Priests for Life