Consequences

  Martha
New Jersey,  United States
 
  After my divorce, I started dating a younger guy. We just wanted to have fun, drink, smoke pot, and have sex. We would get drunk and have sex without protection, so I got pregnant a few times.  Because he was nasty, did not have a good job, and we really did not love each other, I went to have the abortions. After I had each abortion, I would feel empty but relieved that I did not have the problem or the responsibility any more.

After he left me for another woman, I met a nice guy and wanted to have children with him. To my surprise, I was not able to get pregnant any more. It was hard to believe because I was always so fertile. I started to feel that what I had done was wrong, and now God was punishing me by being sterile. I started to regret my decisions to have the abortions.  I also started to feel the pain and guilt from having them. I cried and wished I could have a child. I tried going to a fertility clinic, but nothing worked. I wished for many years to have a baby, but I was not successful. Then all I wanted was to get rid of the pain and guilt from the abortions. One day at the counseling office I found a pamphlet about a retreat at Rachel's Vineyard. I went for the weekend retreat and, after that, I finally felt the pain and guilt go away.

I realized God had forgiven me, but I still had to pay the consequences of being lonely by not having my children with me.

I kept feeling uneasy. I felt a call that I had to do something about this cover-up and unfair practice. I thank God a man from church gave me the pamphlet of Silent No More Awareness. I feel that this organization understands my experience and wants to do the same thing I want, which is to open the eyes of other people that are not being informed of the emotional consequences of an abortion.

   
   
Priests for Life
www.priestsforlife.org