He is turning my ashes into beauty

  Jennifer
Georgia,  United States
 
  I was a 16 year old girl who was on birth control, “the pill".  I didn't fully understand the consequences of not taking the pill correctly.  I had thought that I had found the love of my life at the time and was very careless.

A couple of weeks before my 17th birthday, I found out that I was almost 8 weeks pregnant. I was scared. I was about to be a senior in high school and just thought the worst of having a child and hurting my future. Little did I know at that time that children are blessings from God and that they have a purpose, too. I panicked. I had to make a decision and be "responsible," I had to make up for my mistake before I told my mom.

At that time, I didn't feel like I had a choice. I felt like abortion was the ONLY OPTION I had. I was uneducated about this huge decision that I was going to make that was going to leave me empty and hurt for the rest of my life. I was blinded by the devil and society. It was the thing that most teenagers did... It was no big deal. At least so I thought.

I remember going up to the clinic. There were protesters outside, but I didn't really understand or comprehend why they stood out there. I didn't understand that this was a life, a miracle, that I was about to end. The clinic was packed with young girls like me there.  So, oddly, I didn't feel too out of place, and I felt almost a sense of comfort because we were there for the same reason. I also had my "support system" there as well, my mom and boyfriend. They just backed me up in whatever decision I chose. I wished they would have tried to stop me and told me NO.

There was an ultrasound machine, but it wasn't up to date. All it showed me was a tiny dot on the screen, not an image of what an 8 week old baby truly looks like. I remember it being an assembly line of girls like me lined up in gurneys, and then I was put to sleep. I woke up; it was over. But I was so sick. I left, went home, and was so broken that day. I cried, but I didn't truly understand the effect of my decision that I did that day. During the next 13 years, I pushed it away, I hid it, I was ashamed. I partied hard with self-destructive behavior.

Then God found me. I was baptized in the Holy Spirit and now I am NO LONGER BLIND! God has shown me the errors of my ways. He led me to my first online post-abortive Bible study.  That is when the realization and healing began. I will no longer be silent anymore. I want to educate young girls and save babies’ lives. I have been called. God has restored me; He is turning my ashes into beauty.  I want to stand up and fight, fight for the voices that can't be heard.

   
   
Priests for Life
www.priestsforlife.org