I killed my baby when I was 19 years old. I can wrap that in terms that many in our society would deem acceptable, such as "It was my body, my choice" or "It was only a clump of cells" or many of the false lies that the pro-choice side likes to sell women. But, when I walked out of that clinic that day so many years ago, I knew I had killed my baby and a part of myself died that day as well.
I was a 19 year old girl living with a man who abused drugs, alcohol, and me. We had no money and because my family did not like him, I had no one to turn to. I was also ashamed, as members in my family were positive that this was going to happen and they were just lying in wait to say, "I told you so." The father of the baby wanted the abortion as well but would not have fought me had I decided to keep it. I blame myself completely for making a decision simply out of fear and pride.
The day I walked in the clinic, the first thing they did was to ask for money. They would do nothing until they got their money first. This was the first of many bad signs. They took me to a room to do a pregnancy test to confirm that I was truly pregnant and never once offered me any advice or alternatives to the choice I was making. I was then walked into a waiting room with at least eight other girls and women and sat there waiting to be called. I met the doctor in the room after the nurse had prepared me for the procedure and, when it was done, he walked out with no word to me at all. I was then taken to a "recovery" room where I stayed with a roomful of other women who were recovering until I was able to walk out on my own.
It was a horrible, cold, and heartless place, and I felt like I was an animal being led to slaughter in a factory-like setting. I walked out of that clinic, so sick in my heart and so sick in my soul, because I knew deep down what I had just done. I spent the following years drinking and doing drugs. I dropped out of college and in and out of the abusive relationship with the father. I spent years in depression with so little self-esteem that, even when I finally did leave the father, I still kept ending up in bad relationships with men.
It was only when I started a relationship with God that I began to pull myself out of the horrible state I was in. It wasn't until over 30 years later Forgiven and Set Free was brought to my attention by the pastor of the church I began attending. This Bible study has healed my soul and brought me closer to God! I now know that the mission He has for me is to help woman understand that life is always the only choice and that abortion is devastating to a woman and hurts them in ways that they do not realize. That is why I AM SILENT NO MORE!