Keeping secrets is a tough job. I have been keeping my secret for 30 years, known only by my husband, my best friend, my priest and God. My secret has brought me gallons of tears, years of regret and shame and an eating disorder. Like a chronic wound, my secret would scab over and start to heal, only to open up, over and over, by various triggers, like Mother's Day, the birth of 6 nieces and nephews, seeing an infant being baptized at church, the grief of never bringing a child of my own into the world. Every time I opened the wound, I would apply another band-aid.
Several years ago, the mental box where I kept my secret was finally blasted open by God's boundless mercy. My secret was dignified by a name, Ann Theresa. Her memory has been honored in a memorial mass. She has been spiritually adopted by my husband. Ann Theresa was my secret. I killed her with an abortion seven months before she should have been born, thirty years ago. This [my healing] was all done when God led me to attend a Rachel's Vineyard retreat. That open wound finally began to heal for good. The band-aids were taken off and the wound is healing in the light of truth and the salve of God's mercy. In the seven years since, I have dedicated myself to learning how to help other women heal their wounds.
The women God wants to be helped are out there; many sitting in the pews with us, putting on their band-aids, keeping their secret. I've found there is no sin that can't be forgiven. No one but God can judge what led us to that decision years ago, but we can now decide to live in His mercy and forgiveness. Life is great in His light.
