I am a single, 33-year-old woman who has never been married, and has no living children. My abortion involved taking the RU-486 morning-after pill without ever even testing for a pregnancy. However, looking back, I knew that something was different with my body. The father and I conceived the child a couple of weeks into our dating and remained together for a year and a half with some lingering getting back together in the year following. Recently, after experiencing debilitating physical, emotional, and spiritual effects, and after going to confession, I had a dream about a little girl in heaven who God enlightened me was the daughter who was conceived almost exactly 3 years ago. She would have been 2 1/2 years old. I named her after my own name when I did a "request" for her baptism after reading Christina Gallagher's book, "The Sorrow, the Sacrifice, and the Triumph." After having gone to confession, I had a deep and intense emotional contrition where I sobbed incessantly over what I did and felt God's tremendous arms of love engulf me. I realize that the healing process takes time, that it takes time to continue to face God over and over again. I went through a Rachel's Vineyard retreat to help with the healing. All who were present were a wonderful support through the process. During the time I had my abortion, I had considered myself a "devout atheist" for 10 years (coming from a very strong Catholic family background during childhood, I became an "atheist" when I suffered a debilatating depression in my late teens through my early 20s, that endured for 4 years). This 3-year conversion/reversion experience since 2006 has been tormenting, but a blessing and grace nevertheless from our Lord who willed it to save me from myself.
