IF I KNEW NOW WHAT I NEEDED TO KNOW THEN THE TRUTH WOULD HAVE CHANGED MY MIND AND GIVEN CINDY A CHANCE AT LIFE.
As we go through life after choosing an abortion, many of us wonder if our child would have had brown or blond hair maybe even a redhead. We wonder if she or he would have been a happy or sad child. We think about that child, wishing we could have heard their first cry or laugh; seen their first step, watched as they went to school for the first time or headed off to college. What would have been their interests? Would they have liked sports or been musical? So many unanswered questions, ones that will never be answered. I am not alone in these feelings; mothers and fathers have them. I’m sure there are the few who will say that they never thought of it again--glad for the chance at a life with out the child they carried in their womb. I however want to help women and men by sharing the truth that abortion is not the quick easy fix to, what society calls, “a problem”. I didn’t know I was 12 weeks along, or that there was a heartbeat and fingers and toes. Or that there was any kind of help out there. I didn’t have a full understanding of how many families are searching to adopt. Or that the aftermath would be emotionally devastating to me, as I, like many others, suffered from Post Abortion Syndrome. There was so much to consider. Instead, I with a group of girls/women, were taken in, given a small bit of information about the abortion procedure, then sent to change into gowns and called one-by-one to have a procedure of sucking a fetus out of our uterus. During my abortion, the doctor said, “We have a twelve-week fetus here.” I felt like dying right along with the child I just aborted. Relief, sorrow, grief, and anger so many feelings just swept over me. If I had known then how the abortion would change my life, I would never have chosen to give up my child, Cindy.
This is something emailed to me by Cindy’s father I want to read to you.
What would Cindy look like? Would she have long legs like her mommy or short legs like daddy; little brown eyes or stare through you green eyes? Outgoing, talkative or quite and observe everything? Would she be on stage with her guitar singing in front of thousands? Fall asleep on dad's lap given me hugs and say, "I love you daddy!" Would she smile as she goes on her first date? Jump and high-five all her friends on graduation?
I want my little girl back so badly. I love you Cindy and I'm so sorry for being a coward--for not giving you life.
It has been 18 years she would have been born in September of 1991.
I hope that if you ever find yourself pregnant and scared that you find someone who can help and not walk into a clinic and find out you just changed your life forever. Abortion is NOT the quick fix to a pregnancy--it is a commitment to kill your child--something you will have to live with every day of your life. If you are a woman or man who has suffered or is even just the least bit affected from an abortion, there is help. We are here to show you that you can find forgiveness and move forward in your life. Please come talk with one of us or take some information home and call when it is more private. We all understand. We’ve been there. We are all here to help.
Thank you for letting me share a bit of my self with you.
