CONTENTS

In 1990, when President Bush asked me to be a spokesman for the national adoption initiative, "Adoption Works . . . For Everyone," he challenged me to encourage people to consider adoption. I took the challenge very personally. You see, I was adopted, and I feel strongly that all children deserve a secure, loving family.

After talking to many well-known adoption experts, we determined that one way to encourage adoption is to provide information on how to get the adoption process rolling.

This guide, called "Adoption Works . . . For Everyone: A Beginner's Guide To Adoption" is being distributed nationwide by adoption groups to offer some basic information to people who are considering adopting a child. Hopefully, this guide helps explain what adoption really means, and a little about how it works.

The fact is that with adoption comes joy and challenges and, always, blessings.

If you're thinking of starting a family, or adding another member to your present family, please consider adopting a child who has been waiting, sometimes a long time, for someone to love them and provide a happy home.

You'll be giving a precious gift--the special love of a family--to a child who desperately needs it.

Signed,

Dave Thomas, National Spokesman

"Adoption Works . . . For Everyone"

If there is one thing all children deserve, it's a loving family. They deserve the love, attention and guidance of a nurturing mother and father.

But it doesn't always work that way. Thousands of children of all ages, throughout this country, don't have a permanent family—and they're looking for help.

One way you can help is by considering adoption.

Adoption is a big step. Naturally, hundreds of questions spring to mind:

• How do you adopt a child?
• What's the difference between private and public agencies?
• Who is eligible to adopt?
• What does it cost?
• Where do I go?
• What type of children need to be adopted?

Adopting can be a long and sometimes bumpy journey. But the rewards can be truly wonderful. The bottom line is:

The more questions you ask, the better off you'll be. The simple goal of this guide is to get you started on your way.

The process of adoption is not governed by a single set of national laws and guidelines.

Be prepared to be flexible when you begin the adoption process. Adoption laws vary from state to state. Adoption groups and agencies may have different policies and guidelines as well.

So as you read on, understand that the process of adoption can be a little confusing— that's why it's so important to ask questions and get as much detailed information as possible.

People who adopt children want to know the joy of helping a child grow up to be a happy and fulfilled adult. They may be people who cannot have a child or they may have had children and "have room for one or two more" in their homes and their hearts. Adoptive families share a strong desire to provide love and care for a child. The most important ingredients for adoptive parents in the relationship are maturity, love and acceptance.

There are all kinds of wonderful children waiting to be adopted—babies, toddlers, older children, even teenagers! Here are a few examples:

• One family adopted two sisters, ages 14 and 16. "Almost grown" and living in a group home, they still wanted parents. They wanted someone to provide guidance and emotional support. When these girls are adults, they'll want to call or be home just to chat and exchange greetings on Thanksgiving and other holidays. And perhaps someday, they'll bring home a beloved grandchild to visit. The parents, in their late forties, adopted the girls because their children were grown up and they still had plenty of love to give. Adoption was a happy solution for everyone involved.
• Valerie was 10 when she was adopted. Her adoptive family, the Thompsons, had a teenage son and daughter and they all wanted more children. Valerie had been abandoned by her mother and had lived with five different foster families since being placed in foster care at age 6. She wanted a permanent family. She visited the Thompsons several times before the social worker gave the placement approval. In the spring, she became a family member. Because Valerie was so proud of her new family, she hoped to assume the family's last name before school started. And just a few weeks before school, the judge finalized Valerie's adoption and she was now an "official" Thompson. The whole family celebrated afterward.
• Infants also need adoptive families. Some infants are placed for adoption by parents who are unable to raise a child. These parents want their child to know the love of a carefully chosen family who is eager to parent a child. For example, Jimmy's mother tried to parent her baby but by the time Jimmy was two months old, she realized she just couldn't handle the demands of parenthood. She chose adoption for Jimmy. The Anderson family was thrilled when they received a telephone call from their adoption agency telling them about little Jimmy. The soon-to-be Mom and Dad cheered, danced around the living room and jumped up and down because they were so happy!
• Some children are placed for adoption by state social workers because the children have been neglected or abused. It is rare that a child needs a family because the child's parents have died, leaving the child an orphan. Timmy and Susie, ages 6 and 8, had been abused and neglected by their parents and were in foster care for several years when the Randalls adopted them. A year after the adoption, with the assistance of continuing therapy and the compassion and understanding of their parents, they are adjusting well. The school has identified Susie's learning disability and created a good plan for her. Timmy is hyperactive and is receiving medication and treatment from the family's physician. The children have made a lot of progress and a good future lies ahead for them both.

Adoption is the permanent, legal transfer of all parental rights from one person or couple to another person or couple. Adoptive parents have the same rights and responsibilities as parents whose children are born to them. Adoptive parents are real parents.

There are two common kinds of adoption. One involves relatives—usually stepparents— adopting the child or children of the person they are married to. The other involves adopting a child or children who are unrelated to the adopting parents. It is this second kind—the "unrelated adoption"—that this guide examines.

Before children are adopted, they may live with foster parents or in a group home or other institution. Sometimes, newborn babies are placed with the adopting parents directly from the hospital and sometimes they are placed with the adoption agency's foster families for several days or weeks.

In most cases, a home study (sometimes called an adoption study) is required to adopt a child. Usually, social workers working for licensed adoption agencies perform the home study after a family has applied to an agency and a preliminary screening process has occurred.

A home study is not just a visit to the home of people who want to adopt to see if it is clean and neat. Much more information is gathered to make sure the people hoping to adopt are ready for parenthood and also to help them understand how to become good parents. And importantly, adoptive parents don't have to be "perfect" or "rich."

Prospective adoptive parents are asked many questions. For example: Why did they decide to adopt a child? What type of child would they like to adopt (an infant, a school-age child, more than one child, and so forth)? If a married couple wishes to adopt, they will be asked how long they've been married and if they both want to adopt. Many times one person is more eager to adopt than the other, but it's important to make sure both of them truly want to adopt a child.

If the person applying to adopt is single, she or he will be asked many of the same questions as a married couple. They will also be asked if other family members might be available to help with the child. For example, the parents, brother or sister of a single parent might be willing to baby-sit and agree to be available if the parent becomes sick.

There are no magic answers to the questions a social worker asks to help a family determine if they are ready for adoption. Instead, the worker will take everything into account, including whether the prospective parents have any experience with children, either by working with children in their jobs, helping care for relatives' children or in some other way.

The social worker will make sure the adopting family can afford to parent a child. In most cases, the adopting parents must get a complete physical examination to make sure they are healthy enough to become parents.

The social worker also will examine more practical considerations. Where will the child sleep? Is the home safe? Will it be "child-proofed?" Will one of the parents stay at home to care for the child or will the child attend day-care?

These questions will help prospective parents consider other important issues.

The home study or adoption study is also an educational experience and an opportunity for prospective parents to learn about important adoption issues, such as how and when to explain adoption to a child. If the family plans to adopt an older child or children, they will learn about behavior that may be displayed by children who have been abused or neglected, and receive suggestions on effective parenting.

The home study process is also a chance for families to assess their own strengths and approaches to parenting.

Many agencies offer group classes which provide education to families considering adoption and an open forum to discuss prospective parents' questions. In some cases, families make long-term friends with other people in their class who plan to adopt children.

People who have read and heard about the much publicized "baby shortage" may believe it is virtually impossible to adopt an infant. It's true there are many people interested in adopting infants, but that doesn't mean it's impossible. If you would like to adopt a baby, contact good, ethical adoption agencies in your area or identify reputable attorneys, and read as much about adoption as you can. Another helpful way to learn about adoption is to find other people who have adopted. Contact your state adoption specialist or other reliable groups experienced in adoption to check out agencies, attorneys and other sources.

You can use the time while you wait for your child to prepare yourself for parenthood by reading about adoption and talking to adoptive parents. Many hospitals and colleges also offer low-cost adoption classes which could be helpful. In addition, one task you can do during your waiting time is to identify a good pediatrician for your child.

• Carlotta, 15, a reserved Hispanic girl, is an outstanding student who receives weekly counseling to deal with past problems of abuse and neglect.
• Tamika, 8, and Travis, 11, are African American siblings who have a strong bond and have always depended on each other. They have emotional problems which they are learning to cope with.
• Jerry, 9, is a white child with mild cerebral palsy and borderline mental retardation. He likes school and is an affectionate child.

These four children are among thousands with special needs who are in foster care, group homes or other institutions and are waiting for adoptive families. Some children with special needs are infants in the custody of private adoption agencies.

The term "special needs" refers to many categories of children, including those with physical or emotional disabilities, healthy school-age children, and children with brothers and/or sisters who need to be adopted.

In addition, there are African American, Hispanic and children in other ethnic groups who need families. Although most adoption groups do not believe ethnicity alone should result in a child being considered to have a special need, federal and state regulations consider ethnicity within that category. A large percentage of waiting children are African American or Hispanic.

The fact is children of all races and ethnic groups, as well as multi-ethnic children, need adoptive families. There is room for every child to be adopted and room for nearly every family to be qualified to adopt, regardless of race or religion.

"Special needs" is a phrase that replaced "hard to place" in describing many of the children who need to be adopted.

Many children with special needs are physically or emotionally disabled due to circumstances inflicted upon them by others and they need someone to help them turn their lives around.

But imagine the thrill of putting a smile on the face of a lonely and scared child who has never known love! Or the joy of seeing a child, your child, succeed at an achievement no one thought was possible: running a mile, reading a book, actively participating in a club.

The important thing to remember is that the words "special needs" cover many different situations. The common denominator is the urgent need for a family.

A child with special needs may be affected with retardation or may have a high I.Q. For example, theoretically a twelve-year-old athletic genius is considered a child with "special needs" if she needs an adoptive family. Why? Because of her age. And if she had a brother, she would have another "special need" because she'd be a member of a "sibling group!"

In the case of children with medical disabilities, the disability may be curable. For example, a child may be born with a cleft palate which can be surgically repaired. One family adopted a baby girl born with a hernia and had it surgically corrected. However, many other medical or emotional disabilities are not as easily corrected.

Siblings also need families. Whenever possible, siblings should be kept together. One family adopted three sisters and one brother after seeing them on a local television news program called "Wednesday's Child." Through the TV program, the prospective parents learned of classes for people interested in adoption. The couple took the classes and adopted the children. Today, the entire family is active, participating in Scouting together.

Many state social services offices, as well as other organizations, have listings or photographs and descriptions of children who need families.

Some qualities that are important to parents who adopt children with special needs are: flexibility, patience, good problem-solving skills and a willingness to identify local community resources.

Why do children enter and sometimes remain in foster care? When children are removed from their families because of abuse, neglect or abandonment, state or county social workers try to help the families resolve their problems. But in some cases, despite everyone's efforts, these children must leave their homes.

While social workers are trying to both assist the family and protect the children, the children may live with a foster family or in a group home.

A foster family differs from an adoptive family in that it is temporary. (Although in many cases, children remain in foster care for years, often with many different families, and their only chance at a permanent family is through adoption.)

A foster family knows the child may be returned to the family of birth or to relatives, or may be placed for adoption. Foster families usually receive some financial and medical assistance for their foster children.

After a period of time that may last several months to several years, and when the problems of the child's original family cannot be resolved, the agency which has custody of the child may go to court to legally terminate parental rights. The reason is children need to have a permanent home. Social workers will then try to find a good adoptive family for the children. In about half the cases, the foster parents become the adoptive family.

Some children in the custody of the state have medical problems when they are adopted. For this reason, Medicaid, a state and federal program of medical assistance, may be continued. This means that the child may be eligible for free medical care. Medicaid is not offered for all children with special needs, but may be available for your child, even after the adoption is legally finalized.

For example, one family adopted a child with fetal alcohol syndrome. He is a loving and wonderful five-year-old who has some serious physical problems because his mother drank alcohol excessively before and during her pregnancy. Because of this problem, his adoptive parents receive Medicaid benefits for him.

Sometimes a "subsidy" is available to adoptive parents when the child needs special care. This means parents will receive a monthly payment from the state until the child reaches age 18. (In some states, subsidies continue until age 21.)

If you are interested in adopting a child with special needs, contact local adoption agencies for more information. You'll be invited to meet and talk about adoption or application forms will be sent to you. The process should be explained thoroughly. If you have any questions, ask them! Don't be afraid to ask.

About two-thirds of all adoptions are arranged by private or public adoption agencies. There is a difference between "public" and "private" adoption agencies. A public agency is a state or county agency which places children and is supported by your tax dollars. The private agency is in most cases licensed by the state, but operates using fees from adoptive families and/or charitable contributions. Most private agencies are nonprofit organizations.

Private adoption agencies may have a religious sponsorship. Some agencies specialize in finding families for infants while others see their mission as placing children with special needs. Many agencies place children with and without special needs.

Adoption agencies screen adoptive parents and provide counseling to them. Some provide classes on adoption and teach prospective parents about the various issues involved in understanding adoption; for example, how and when to tell your child about adoption. Some agencies assist families with questions or issues which arise after the adoption is legally finalized.

Agencies also help pregnant women or others who are considering placing their children for adoption. Agencies even counsel the children themselves, if they are old enough at the time of the adoption or later on, when the children or adopted adults may have questions.

Although the majority of adoption agencies, attorneys or others involved in the adoption process are honest and helpful, there are a few which have questionable practices. Agencies or attorneys may charge high fees or retainers in full when the person applies, without provisions for refunds of any kind.

Be sure to review the standard procedures of any agency you plan to use.

Check out the adoption agency by contacting your State Adoption Specialist, an individual at your state Social Services headquarters, usually in the capital city (see the back of this guide for a listing of state agencies). Find out from your local state social services office the phone number of the state office, or contact several of the resource organizations listed at the end of this guide.

Ask the State Adoption Specialist if the agency you plan to work with is licensed and in good standing. Also ask if there have been any complaints or investigations about the agency. Consider calling adoptive parent groups in your area and ask them if any members have had experience with this agency.

If possible, get names of people who have adopted children through this agency. Names may be available from the agency or from parent groups. Call the adoptive parents and ask them if it's convenient to discuss their agency experience with you.

Thousands of children who live overseas in foreign orphanages need families. About 9,500 children from other countries were adopted by U.S. citizens in 1991, part of a trend that is likely to continue. International adoptions are rapidly changing and so are the rules.

U.S. citizens can adopt children from Asia, Latin America, Eastern Europe and other countries. Currently, most of the adopted children come from Korea and other Asian countries.

International adoptions are complicated to arrange. It's important to work with someone, whether it's an agency, group or individual, who is ethical and experienced.

If you would like to adopt a child from another country, you must have a home study of your family. This is a requirement of the U.S. Immigration and Naturalization Service (INS). In most cases, the adoption agency or person who is helping you will also assist you in finding a child who needs a family.

Private or public adoption agencies are one resource through which a family may adopt a child. In most states, you may also adopt a child by using the services of an adoption attorney or other intermediary. An adoption which is not arranged by an adoption agency is called an "independent adoption." Some people choose independent adoption because they believe that an adoption agency would not accept them. They may be over age 40, not married for very long or have another situation that they think might cause them to be rejected by an agency.

Others seek the services of an attorney because the agencies may have a waiting list of several years. In some states the attorney or intermediary will identify a pregnant woman considering adoption, just like an agency might, while in other states it is up to the adopting parents to locate the woman.

Sometimes parents adopt a child born in another state. In this case, the family must comply with the laws of both states. Both attorneys and adoption agencies place children out of state, although attorneys probably arrange more out-of-state placements than do adoption agencies.

It is important to find an ethical and competent intermediary, one who will follow all the laws and treat everyone involved fairly.

Laws vary greatly from state to state. Your lawyer should be familiar with what is and isn't allowed in the state. For, example, in some states, it is lawful to pay the medical expenses of a pregnant woman planning an adoption. In other states, it is illegal to pay for such expenses. In some states, it is legal to pay the reasonable living expenses of a pregnant woman (rent, clothes, etc.). In other states it is illegal to pay such expenses. In all states, it is illegal to buy a baby.

Directly giving money or gifts to a pregnant woman who is considering adoption (or to the father of the baby or other relatives) could be construed as baby buying. In some states, baby buying is a felony, which could lead to a jail sentence. To make sure there are no legal problems, it is best to allow the attorney or intermediary to give any support payments to the pregnant woman or mother.

To find a good and ethical adoption attorney or intermediary, ask local parent groups if any of their members have successfully adopted children independently.

Talk to adoptive parents who have used the services of an attorney or intermediary. Remember to respect the privacy of adoptive parents, in the event that they don't wish to talk or answer questions.

When you have located an agency or attorney and you are thinking about applying to adopt, you will want to know the following: Does the organization concentrate on placing infants or older children? What type of adoptive parents do they seek?

Ask an adoption agency how long it will take from applying to the agency to the start of the home study.

About how many children did they place last year? What preparation classes, seminars or readings do they require of adoptive parents? What supervision will occur after the child is placed with your family but before finalization of the adoption? (Most adoptions are finalized by the court about six months after the child is placed.) What assistance can the agency provide after the adoption?

State laws vary when it comes to answering the question of who may adopt. However, there are a few guidelines. For people seeking to adopt infants, most agencies are looking for parents who are under age 40, married at least three years, financially secure and healthy. This does not mean that people over age 40 or single adults can never adopt a baby.

Many agencies have increased their upper-age limit to over 40. In some cases, the age of the husband and wife is averaged. And some agencies have eliminated age limits.

If the agency places children with special needs, then the 40-year age limit is usually waived. Social workers will take into account the individual family situation.

Many people who plan to adopt infants don't have children and some agencies prefer childless couples or couples who have only one child. If the family wishing to adopt has two or more children then they should seek an agency which does not have this rule or an independent adoption.

Sometimes the agency or attorney considers whether or not the prospective parents are infertile; other times it is not considered relevant.

Many people think an adoption agency under religious sponsorship is likely to give preference to adoptive parents of their faith group. However, that is not necessarily true. It's always best to ask.

Adoption fees vary from state to state and depend on whether the family is adopting an infant or an older child. Whether the family uses a private or public agency, an attorney or intermediary also affects adoption fees.

In general, infant adoption fees are the highest, because the agency or attorney often must include prenatal care costs including childbirth delivery. As a result, fees to adopt an infant can range from nothing to around $30,000.

Fees over $20,000 should be examined carefully. The average fee collected for adopting healthy infants by one group of agencies belonging to the National Council For Adoption (NCFA) was $9,200, according to a 1992 survey.

When a family adopts an infant with special needs, agencies sometimes waive or lower their fees.

If the child is placed by a public state or county adoption agency, financed by tax dollars, fees will be minimal or there may be no fee at all.

It is extremely important to obtain fee information in writing from any agency, attorney, intermediary or consultant before starting the home study process. This way you will be sure you can afford the agency's or attorney's fees. You should also have a written explanation detailing the fees, what they cover and what "extras" you may be responsible for later.

Increasing numbers of forward-thinking corporations now offer adoption benefits as part of their employment benefit package. Corporations such as Apple Computer, Inc., Coca-Cola, Gannett Company, IBM, Time Warner, Walt Disney Co., Wendy's International, and others provide their employees with time off for adoption, financial assistance to adopt and other benefits designed to promote adoption.

In addition, many health insurance plans cover the adopted child from the time of placement in the home, and in some cases, the newly adopted infant is covered from birth. As of this writing, in Arkansas, Florida, Georgia and Kansas, for those families with family health insurance prior to the infant's birth, insurance companies are required to cover adopted infants.

These laws are designed to give adoptive parents and children the same insurance protection as parents have when children are born to them.

Be sure to check for any exclusions in your benefits policy relating to pre-existing conditions. (Note: Many large corporations have self-insured medical programs which may not be subject to state law.)

Military members on active duty also may now receive reimbursement for up to $2,000 of adoption fees through licensed agencies.

There are hundreds of adoptive parent groups nationwide and many are very useful. A helpful adoptive parent group can provide a hopeful parent with a chance to meet other people who feel good about adoption and who have adopted children. It's also a chance to meet adopted children and see them interact with their parents.

Good adoptive parent groups often provide the most realistic information on parenting adopted children. They can tell you of the joys and the heartaches. They can wisely encourage you and at times discourage you—either way, you gain a fuller understanding of the reality of adoption.

In addition to the emotional support, many adoptive parent groups can offer a wealth of information for hopeful parents. Often they will know which agencies and attorneys are the most ethical and helpful and they can usually suggest other resources in the community.

To locate the adoptive parent group closest to you, contact one of the groups listed at the end of this guide.

When talking about adoption, unfortunately many people use outdated language. Positive adoption language refers to adoption in a favorable, sensitive and non-judgmental way. For example, the phrases "give away" or "put up for adoption" are negative. Most adoption experts prefer "place for adoption" or "made an adoption plan."

Think about it: if a woman makes the difficult decision for adoption, is it fair to say that she is "giving away" her child? Also, the phrase is inaccurate. Children cannot be given away because there is always involvement of the state in an adoption; for example, adoptions are legally "finalized" by a judge in a court of law.

A "real" parent is a parent by birth or by adoption. Some adoption professionals prefer the word "birthmother" for the woman who gives birth to a child who is then adopted. Most people involved in adoption do not like the phrase "natural parent," an old legal term, because it suggests to some that adoptive parents are "unnatural."

"Unwed mother" is viewed by many experts as a negative term. A better phrase, if marital status is relevant, is "single mother."

If the parents' marital status is relevant, then "born to unmarried parents" is a better phrase than the word "illegitimate."

The phrases "adopted person," "adopted woman," "adopted man," "adopted child" are all preferable to "adoptee." Take care when describing someone's adoptive status. For example, it is inappropriate to refer to someone's four children as three children and their "adopted son," setting that child aside. Only if specific references are being made to when the child was adopted or other relevant issues are being discussed should the child be identified as an adopted person.

It is better to say a person "was adopted" than "is adopted." Adoption is not an ongoing legal process. The adoption occurred at a certain point in time in the past. If need be, another good term is "He is an adopted person."

There are about 5 million people living in the U.S. today from all walks of life who were adopted. Some of them have grown up to become famous achievers: Olympic Gold Medalist Scott Hamilton . . . Dr. Wilson Riles, a noted California educator . . . Dave Thomas, founder of Wendy's Old Fashioned Hamburgers restaurants . . . NBC-TV celebrity Faith Daniels . . . and President Gerald Ford . . . all were adopted.

This doesn't mean the children you adopt will become famous celebrities when they grow up or that you have to be famous yourself to adopt. More than anything, children who are adopted need the caring of a good family and loving, accepting parents. And maybe you could be that parent to a child who waits for you.

Adoption - The legal transfer of all parental rights and obligations from one person or couple to another person or couple.

Adoptive parents - An individual or couple who have chosen to adopt and have received court approval.

Foster parents - An individual or couple who has temporary care of a child but has no legal rights in determining many aspects of a child's life. Sometimes foster parents become adoptive parents.

Home or adoption study - The social investigation, study and preparation of a family who wishes to adopt. Usually this includes a visit to the home and talks with family members. It includes background checks to verify employment and good character.

Special needs - Refers to many categories of children, including children with physical, emotional or medical disabilities, healthy school-age children, children with brothers and/or sisters who need to be adopted and minority children.

Stepparents - Sometimes confused with adoptive parents. A stepparent is the spouse of a child's parent. A stepparent may become an adoptive parent by legally adopting a child.

Termination of parental rights - This can be through a voluntary process, wherein the parent(s) the child is born to consents to an adoption. The termination of parental rights may also be against their will, if the state feels doing so is in the best interests of the child. A termination of parental rights must occur before an adoption can be finalized. Sometimes foster children are placed with families when it is expected that the parental rights will be terminated. After the termination occurs, then the children may be adopted.

Waiting children - Another term for children with special needs, especially children who need families.

Waiting period - The period after a family is approved for adoption by an agency until a child is placed with their family.

Though we have covered a lot of ground in this guide, we can never hope to answer all of your questions about adoption. If you are interested in learning more about adoption, contact one or more of the organizations listed below and on the back of this guide. Your letter or phone call may be the first step leading you to adopting a child.

This guide was funded from the proceeds of Dave's Way, the autobiography of Dave Thomas, Wendy's founder.

This site is updated daily!