Archive for June, 2013

Rapper’s Heartbreaking Video on Regretting Abortion Has 6+million views

Wednesday, June 26th, 2013

Flipsyde-HappyBirthday

An article by Christina Martin from LifeSiteNews touches on a rap song with over 6 million views that reveals the pain and regret of a father after abortion. 

Tue Jun 25 11:04 AM EST

Jun3 25, 2013 (LiveActionNews.org) - Flypside is a band that’s birthed out of Oakland, California. Featuring Piper (MC), Steve Knight (vocals, acoustic guitar), and Dave Lopez (lead guitar)…Another single from their debut album called “Happy Birthday” became a top-3 hit in Germany….What causes this song to continually draw in viewers?

Read the rest of this LifeSiteNews article

Have you noticed a slow but encouraging increase in articles/media/music that  touches on what has for a long time been a silent pain?  I was very grateful for  the author sharing a link to the Silent No More Awareness Fatherhood Forever page as we work together to raise awareness, share resources for healing, provide a place where men can share their abortion regret and after a healing program to join other men in speaking publicly about their abortion regret.

Fathers and Abortion: NRTL News

Wednesday, June 19th, 2013

black-couple-at-odds

…A 2009 study published in the International Journal of Mental Health & Addiction found that pregnant women who felt they lacked support from the child’s father were more likely to choose abortion.

Read Full Article

 

A Must Read: Dr Alveda King Father’s Day Reflection

Monday, June 17th, 2013

Martin Luther King Jr,   Alfred Daniel  King

Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. (left) is pictured with his brother, the Rev. Alfred Daniel King (father of Dr. Alveda King.) (AP)
Dr. Alveda C. King grew up in the civil rights movement led by her uncle, Dr.  Martin Luther King, Jr. She is a pastoral associate and director of  African-American outreach for Priests for Life and Gospel of Life Ministries.  Her family home in Birmingham, Ala., was bombed, as was her father’s church  office in Louisville, Ky. Alveda herself was jailed during the open housing  movement.

Check out this great piece from Alveda at Newsmax.  Here’s an excerpt:

…God gives us many blessings in life. Among the countless blessings experienced  in my now 61 years of life on earth are the lessons learned from my four  favorite mentors. Three of them are elders from my bloodline, and from them I  learned to receive God’s miracles, to have a compassionate heart and that love  never fails.

  Read the rest here

Beautiful Father’s Day Song for Men Who Lost Children to Abortion

Friday, June 14th, 2013

dad&son2

A Silent Cry

Here is the Song. 

Some background on the composer and the inspiration for the piece: 

My Name is Paul O’Shea. A few years ago Rachael’s vineyard came to Cork, Ireland, and did a presentation on abortion trauma and healing. My wife and her mom went…. I was not present myself but the following week a conversation was struck up about the Rachael’s Vineyard talk.     I listened.
What struck me was when they spoke of a presentation by Kevin Burke about the sadness men can feel after losing a child to abortion. I never really thought about the father in abortion before that….The following week… I sat down for breakfast and suddenly got an overwhelming urge to write a song about the father perspective of an abortion.

I should say that I have not been affected by abortion so I to my amazement the words flowed out as if Divinely inspired and it was almost complete by the end of my bowl of cornflakes!
I got together with a friend  Noel O’Sullivan…to see  if he would put music to it and he provided piano and backing. I already had the basic tune. The music came as fast to him as the words to me. It was truly amazing to see if come together so fast. I am not a professional singer or songwriter.

We recorded the attached song from Noels house. Please let Rachael’s Vineyard know that this song exists because of them and the work that they do. Please let me know what you think. I would very much appreciate it.

Please also pray for Ireland at this time as the Government are looking to  legislate for abortion.

Your sincerely,

Paul

 

 

Confraternity of Our Lady of Mercy: Helping Women and Men After Abortion Embrace Their Call to Holiness

Friday, June 14th, 2013

Our Lady of Mercy

If you or someone you love has experienced abortion loss, attended a healing program, and now feels called to “embrace their call to holiness of life” then I invite you to learn more about  the  Confraternity of our Lady of Mercy found by the amazing priest Fr Ben Cameron of the Father’s of Mercy and Rachel’s Vineyard 

From Their Website:

What is the Confraternity of Our Lady of Mercy?

The purpose of the Confraternity of Our Lady of Mercy is to help women and men who have been wounded (spiritually and emotionally) by abortion to embrace their call to holiness of life….read more here. 

 

Prison of Ice: The Child leads the Father from Rage Filled Despair to New Life

Thursday, June 13th, 2013

man-trapped-under-ice-hand-ice-19036003

A Prison of Ice

The day of the abortion was a warm gray day, with a very fine mist falling from the sky.  We drove silently to the abortion center, and parked in the lot.  “Do you want me to come in with you?” I asked.  She told me to wait in the car, and to be truthful I was relieved not to go into that place.

As I was sitting there alone in my car it began to hit me what was about to happen.  How can I sit here and let this happen to my baby—that’s my son or daughter they are going to kill!  I jumped out of the car and ran into the building.

Read on:       RFH Prison of Ice – Chapter 6

An Excerpt of Chapter Six  from Redeeming A Father’s Heart

A Father’s Anguish: Powerless to Stop Their Child’s Death

Tuesday, June 11th, 2013

anguishedmanpainting

[One of the saddest correspondences or phone calls I deal with, is a father who is devastated because his partner, girlfriend, fiancé or wife had an abortion...without ever telling him about the procedure...until it is too late.  It is heart breaking, and with what we know about how this impacts men, its also a really serious mental health and spiritual crisis that requires immediate help if the man is open to that. I wanted to share how I respond to these situations.  Each one is unique so there is no set formula.  You are just trying with the Lord's help, to reach out and connect man to man (woman to man) with his heart and soul and keep the momentum of reaching out for help...to keep that momentum moving forward.  Isolation with this kind of pain, is very bad. 

Here is a possible response.    Please feel free in the comment section to suggest other points that may be important in reaching out to hurting dads like this...maybe you experienced this yourself, found healing and can offer some advice and feedback.  I hope this is helpful to you in your own after abortion outreach. ]

* I am so sorry to read of your loss and the breakup of your relationship.  You are right that she should have spoken to you, shared her fears and whatever drove her to make that tragic decision so you could have at least tried to encourage her to give life to your child.  What a devastating thing for you!

I am co founder of a ministry that offers support to people who have had abortions and men like you who had no say in the abortion and lost a child they were powerless to save.  One of the things a lot of men struggle with after situations like yours is anger…for obvious reasons.  But over time that anger can really be a problem, and it can prevent dealing with the deeper feelings of loss, and the need to grieve that loss.

Depression, insomnia, anxiety are all natural reactions to what has happened to you.

Right now you are in the middle of the shock and as you said, being crushed by the weight of all that you are dealing with.

The most important thing I can ask you to consider is to not try to deal with this pain by yourself.  Please think about reaching out to others who understand your loss, and can help you find a way to grieve your child in a healthy way.  Its normal to feel outraged, betrayed, angry, devastated…but over time you are going to need support to help you move through that…for the sake of your children and yourself.

Here are some links that offer some resources and education.  Some are healing groups; other resources can give you a referral to a counselor that will understand your loss:

I am not sure what drove your partner to take this action…maybe she had another abortion in her past that she never found healing from, and panicked when she became pregnant?  This is not uncommon.

Thank you for reaching out to us and sharing your situation.

I am very sorry for the loss of your child and the end of your relationship.  It may be very dark now, but hang in there and keep reaching out for the help you need…with the right kind of help you will get through this.

Follow up with the links I sent and please stay in touch.

Kevin

* As you can see, I did not focus much on the mother of the child and the fact that she is hurting too…he is likely too angry and hurt at her actions to be able to understand that she may be suffering terribly and will pay a high price for her abortion if she does not find healing.  But this will be part of his healing journey, and you cant rush this stuff and have to respond where he is right now.   There is a story in Redeeming A Father’s Heart , a beautiful story of a man like this who had great rage at his partner and the abortionist…but with healing recovered and was able to grieve his loss and connect in love with his child in the Lord.  I will share that chapter  in a separate post.  -Kevin

Abortion and Men: What’s a Father to Do?

Saturday, June 8th, 2013

From Live Action News

by

June 5, 2013, 10:38 am ETFatherhood-billboard

 

I’ve been involved, more than once, in situations where a baby’s father is trying to stop the mother from having an abortion…Here are a few options for fathers that I hope are helpful. This certainly isn’t a comprehensive list, but it’s a collection of various ideas that any guy can evaluate to see what might work best in his particular situation. While fathers sadly may not have the final say in whether or not their children live or die, they do have options.

Eighteen Years Later – A Father Grieves His Son

Tuesday, June 4th, 2013

Men regret lost fatherhood

Seventeen years ago my wife who is a caring, giving, loving person was pregnant.  It was a very stressful time for her. We already had a lovely daughter of four years and a bonzo of a son 7 months old at the time.

My wife and I are a third generation Catholic Italian Americans.  We come from parents who lived their whole lives in a ten block area.  Those were the days when NYC had a multitude of ethnic areas (Italian, Irish, Jewish, Black, Hispanic, Eastern Europeans etc.) It also was just prior to the great mass movement for job relocations of the seventies and early eighties.

We left all our families and friends in New York City in order to improve our lot when I was offered a better job in Atlanta.

We were among the very first transplants that we knew.  There were many small changes and some tremendous upheavals that had to be coped with.  My wife actually bore the brunt of these events.  The children were impervious to these changes due to their ages.  It didn’t upset me since I Had a new job with more respectability and a bigger salary.  I loved Atlanta from the first moment I arrived to the present.

As beautiful as Atlanta was we had no one else but ourselves.  We had been told Italian-Catholic “Yankees” were treated either poorly or with indifference.  It took a while to adjust but it had no great effect on me.

My wife had a more difficult time.

When she found out she was pregnant she became sullen and had crying fits.  More and more she felt it was just too much to have a five year old, a one and a half year old, and a new baby.  I don’t know how or where she thought of abortion, but it soon became a manifestation and an opportunity to reduce future stress.

In the months preceding the abortion I saw my role as twofold.  Try to ease her plight by being there and being agreeable; and to impart to her that the choice was solely and exclusively hers…and I would agree to whatever she decided.

Stupidity, naivety, poor judgment or ignorance of life, abortion, religion etc…God help me I was so clueless.

I know I could have saved my son if only I had realized my true role as a father husband, Catholic and human being.  I could have talked my wife out of abortion.  But, I just drifted through this period in a zombified state (much like my wife) and doomed my son.

I labored under the assumption it was her decision exclusively…Wrong!  I did nothing thing and I feel more responsible for the death of my baby than my wife.  The baby was not dwelling in my loins.  My brain was not affected by his presence.  I still had the ability to think clearly, if only I tried.  But, I did not try.

Later, after the abortion, I felt enormous guilt.  I felt that my wife, by aborting my son, had (in effect) said to me, “I don’t want you or any part of you inside my body, ever again.”  There was less sex.  Sex became a problem for me and I had difficulty consummating the sexual act during our union for two years.  I do not think my wife ever knew what I had to deal with inside my soul.  Enormous guilt, enormous loss, unfathomable ignorance, is all mine.

Only now have I given this matter any deep thought.  I guess my son was always there in heart and soul and mind trying to make a breakthrough.  He’s finally succeeded, after 18 years.

Now I dwell in the Might-have-beens.  Now I feel incredible confusion, loss and pain.  After-Life is the only hope of knowing my son.  I don’t know if my wife ever thinks of our son as I do.  I made it a point never to bring it up to her, for I know she would never stop grieving till she died.

Throughout the almost eighteen years, neither she nor I have ever said a work about the abortion of our son to each other or anyone else.  My wife did discuss it with a priest once.  I don’t know if this eased her pain…I hope so!

I now look at my living daughter and son and think about what my other son would have been like.  I wonder how they would have intermingled.  How they would have grown together.  I know they all would have loved each other.  There would be three to face the world instead of just two.  Just as I will never know the son I lost, they will never have the brother that could have been.

My son, I want you to know, I’m deeply sorry for your loss of life!  I will go to my grave missing and loving you tenderly for all eternity.  Please forgive me!

Dad

 

 

 

Buried Child: A Family Haunted by Hidden Loss

Monday, June 3rd, 2013

Buried Child

A reader from the Washington DC area shares:

I browsed your archives after reading about Morgentaller and read your post on Hostel, Jung, and repressed trauma and art. Have you ever
heard of a play called “Buried Child” by Sam Shepard? It won a
Pulitzer prize in 1979.

Wikipedia says the play depicts “the fragmentation of the American nuclear
family in a context of disappointment and disillusionment with American
mythology and the American dream, the 1970s rural economic slowdown and the
breakdown of traditional family structures and values.” But Wikipedia says
nothing about the abortion theme that runs through the play.

This line in your Hostel post made me think of “Buried Child”:
“This pain and grief lies buried deeply in the collective unconscious of
our culture, where it is forbidden expression. The effects of the abortion procedure
on the unborn, and the trauma unleashed upon all who participate in the death
of the unborn remain largely hidden from public view.”

In “Buried Child,” the audience is never explicitly told what exactly
happened to the buried child–who clearly haunts each family member–so over
the course of the play, the audience gets this increasing sense of something
horrible that happened in the past which seems central to all of the family’s
present problems but which also can’t be openly discussed. I think this shows
Sam Shepard’s skill as a playwright — he keeps the death of the unborn and the
associated trauma “largely hidden from public view” and uses the
terrible tension this causes beneath the surface to drive the whole play and
keep the audience in suspense aka not at peace. It seems like a realistic depiction
of what you called the “fallout from abortion over time.”