Those familiar with my writing and speaking know that I often focus on men and abortion loss with a special emphasis on those fathers who are powerless to stop their partner/wife/girlfriend from aborting their unborn child. This unleashes powerful emotions in men…and without healing this can lead to some really bad outcomes.
Check out the following excerpts from this woman’s abortion story:
Every day for two weeks prior to the abortion, Jace would plead with me.
“We can get married and I will get another job; we can be a family and make this work” he would say to me over and over again.
I was angry and I wanted someone to blame. I refused to speak with him about it, and he eventually gave up. My mind was made up and there was nothing he could do or say to change that.
January 2014 will mark 5 years since my abortion. I recently came into contact with the Father of my aborted child, whom I had not seen or barely spoken to in years.
I agreed to see him…and he attacked me.
He pinned me to the seat of his truck and told me that he had to get even with me for the abortion. I cried and screamed and fought him. He said that hurting me was the only way we could make things ‘right’ between us.
“Do you realize how badly you hurt me?” he kept yelling. When I begged him to stop, he said “you know what is funny about that Annie, I begged YOU to stop, I begged YOU not to have an abortion, but you did it anyway, you let someone rip our child from your body”.
After a half hour struggle, I was finally able to escape from him and run for help. The police were called and he is now facing assault charges.
This father will have to face the legal consequences for his actions and there is never an excuse for violence against women. But his powerful feelings and actions powerfully proclaim that men like Jace desperately need to know about healing programs for recovery from abortion loss…especially traumatic abortion loss.
The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders defines a traumatic event as follows:
1. The person experienced, witnessed, or was confronted with an event or events that involved actual or threatened death or serious injury, or a threat to the physical integrity of self or others. 2. The person’s response involved intense fear, helplessness, or horror.
Jace was clearly traumatized by his partner’s abortion and wrongly took out his helplessness, powerlessness and rage on the mother of the child.
I recently shared in my blog about a prison inmate who linked his life of crime and other immorality to his participation in 2 abortions. Police, prison administrators and chaplains, mental health professional and all of us need to understand that whatever their role in an abortion, men are profoundly affected and need to hear about resources for recovery after abortion.
Fortunately for this mother, her story did not end in death and despair. She writes:
In March 2011, 2 years after my abortion, I had reached another breaking point. One day I just had a complete melt down. That’s when I decided to seek spiritual help. I attended a Rachel’s Vineyard retreat. My family did not agree with my decision to attend this retreat, but I knew that I had to do it if I wanted to heal. I thank God every day for the women at Rachel’s Vineyard. That weekend truly changed my life. I was able to make peace with God about my abortion, and I didn’t have to do it alone.
Let’s pray the father of her child also learns about healing resources and reaches out for the help he desperately needs. Jace needs the support of others who understand his loss, and a healing process where he can safely express his painful emotions and encounter the power of God. Jace will find that the end of his story is not Calvary, but an empty tomb, and a spiritual relationship with his precious child.
This is the only path away from violence, despair and death…to peace, recovery and new life. Let’s pray for all fathers of children lost to abortion, that they discover this path of healing.
- And He who was seated on the throne said, “Behold, I make all things new!”
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