By T.R. Glass
In 1988 when I was 23 years old, I started dating Deanna who was 20 at the time. After a few months of dating, Deanna shared that she was pregnant. I could tell she was scared. Deanna told me, “I can’t do this to my parents, and bring shame on myself and my family. I don’t want to be labeled one of those girls.”
I learned later that Deanna was also fearful of my reaction if she decided to go ahead with the pregnancy; could she trust that I would I be there for her? Or would I abandon her as a single mom? This fear led her to see abortion as the best solution. I bought into the cultural message that it was “a woman’s right to choose.” So I needed to be supportive of her decision. We chose abortion.
I was living with my parents at the time and since my early teenage years, could always have frank and open discussions with them. I told them I was going to take Deanna to get an abortion. They were stunned. Silent. Just like my response, they perceived the decision already to have been made, so they said nothing.
A week after my son Jacob’s abortion, my father said to me, “You know, that was our grandchild” and my reply was, “Well dad, how do you think I feel? He was my child.”
His words, as well as my own, stuck with me through the 13 years of depression and anger after the abortion.
Deanna and I continued dating and married a year after the abortion. In early 2001, Deanna participated in an abortion healing program at a crisis pregnancy center and found healing and peace. Through God’s grace and confronting and confessing her sin, she again was walking in the “newness of life” and had found peace. I wanted that peace.
I too went through counseling and found forgiveness and grace for the grave sin I had committed. The song Jacob’s Heart, was written for my son’s memorial service as a prayer for, and to him, seeking his forgiveness and reconciliation for not acting in love, but acting in fear. (You can find the music video of my song at the beginning of this article and the lyrics for Jacob’s Heart below.)
If you are struggling from a past abortion, you can find confidential and effective help here. Find peace with God, with yourself and with your child and receive the forgiveness to live the “abundant life” that Jesus has called us to.
May God’s richest blessings be with you all.