Archive for the ‘Uncategorized’ Category

“You Have Your Whole Life Ahead of You…You Should Get an Abortion.”

Tuesday, June 20th, 2017

Temptation

By Brad Cornell

If I’d only known then what I know now.

How many of us have said that?

Father’s Day has such a different meaning to me now at 60 than it did at 20.  In 1975 my then fiancé was in college and unexpectedly became pregnant.  We didn’t know what to do.

I looked up to my uncle, a wealthy and successful businessman, so I sought advice from him.  He said, “You have your whole life ahead of you. You should get an abortion.”

As men, we often think it’s a woman’s problem when she becomes pregnant – but it’s not.  I believed at the time that it’s ultimately the woman’s choice whether to give birth or have an abortion. I should have suggested that we talk through our options.

There’s a statistic that says that in 80 percent of abortions, the dad walked away.  That’s what I did.   I let her go through with it without showing my support for the decision either way.  I ignored the doctor’s telling me that after the procedure she wouldn’t want to have anything to do with me.

My uncle paid for the abortion and my cousin, who was also her best friend, took her. After the procedure she returned to her family, who owned a vineyard in a different part of California, and as the abortion doctor predicted…I never saw her again.

The Abortion Aftershocks

Through the years there have been many problems in my life. I could not figure out why I was acting and doing the things I was doing.  I had problems with alcohol, anger, depression and insecurity, to name a few.

I lost jobs because of fighting, drinking and my bad attitude.   I married in 1976 but never wanted kids and I did not treat my first wife with respect.

The pain of the loss of my unborn child was palpable. Not only were our lives irrevocably changed that day, but so were the lives of everyone I’ve had relationships with.

It’s something I deeply regret.

How would I celebrate Father’s Day today if I had made a different choice?  It isn’t just the path not taken…Father’s Day would mean so much more.

What would my life look like?

What kind of person would my son or daughter have become?

The Gift of Faith

The silver lining in my journey appeared about a year ago. The Lord Jesus Christ, through the Holy Spirit, made it clear to me that it was time to come clean and use my experience to help others.  As a Christian I needed to share and help other men realize that they are a dad at conception.  Their vocation is to support their lady and have their baby no matter what they have to do to get through it.

During a meeting in Dallas for pregnancy centers, I shared my commitment to build the largest pregnancy center in San Antonio. A gentleman approached me at the meeting and shared that he had two abortions.

Without hesitation, the Holy Spirit spoke through me and I revealed that I had one too! I realized I needed to share my story.

I went home and told my (second) wife of 18 years about my abortion. She encouraged me to share it with the world and save lives.  It became crystal clear I had to do this.  My hope is that other young men will hear my story and understand the monumental importance of the moment.

I want to share with any man facing an unplanned pregnancy:

At conception a spark of life, part of your DNA, is growing in the lady you pursued, you cared for, and loved. Don’t abandon her and your baby because it’s inconvenient, because it’s hard.   They need you now more than ever.  Don’t look back on Father’s Day when you’re 60 and wonder what could’ve been, what should’ve been.  What would’ve happened if you had chosen to support your lady?

 God calls us to lead.  THIS is the time when you must lead.

[Brad shares his experiences with guests each week on his radio program “You Are A Dad”  on  AM 630 The Word KSLR in San Antonio, TX Sunday evening’s at 8:00PM and available on his website here.  I will be appearing on Brad’s radio show later in the month and will let you know when that’s available.  Visit Brad’s website at www.youareadad.com. – Kevin Burke, LSW]

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

This Trojan Horse is Attacking the Heart and Soul of the Church

Friday, June 16th, 2017

Trojan Horse

In 1967 philosopher Dietrich Von Hildebrand published “A Trojan Horse in the City of God.” Von Hildebrand’s sobering message was largely ignored in the euphoric optimism and radical reform that swept through the Catholic Church in the aftermath of the Second Vatican Council.

Hildebrand called out those, acting under the cover of the “spirit of Vatican II”, that were striking at the spiritual patrimony of the Catholic Church. He warned of the consequence of their efforts to radically deform the Church’s liturgy, theology, and architecture.

Hildebrand exhibited a similar courage and prophetic insight many years before Vatican II.

Dietrich, born in 1889 was raised in Florence, Italy. In his private and preparatory education for university he developed a passion for philosophy and theology leading to a conversion to Catholicism in 1914. He served as a surgical assistant during the First World War and later settled in Germany for a teaching position at the University of Munich.

Hildebrand was a vocal opponent of the Nazi’s as they rose to power in the 1930’s. The Nazis were not pleased and targeted him for death. Hildebrand fled to Austria and later France  before emigrating with his wife and son to the United States in 1940.

Today’s Trojan Horse
Were he alive today I am confident Dietrich Von Hildebrand would be warning of another Trojan Horse that is intimately attacking the heart of the Church and her members – internet pornography.

The sexual revolution and abortion, operating in a culture saturated with consumer capitalism, have elevated the unrestricted entitlements and passions of the autonomous self to the level of idolatry.

All who participate in the unborn child’s death have desecrated this gift of life, made in the image and likeness of God.  Men and women are wounded by their role in the abortion decision and procedure.

Pornography, like abortion, is another fruit of the sexual revolution that attacks the spiritual and emotional health of God’s children.

It is important to note that regular porn users often require more graphic context to experience the same level of pleasure and excitement.  This has led the industry to develop increasingly perverse, misogynistic and abusive content for their consumers.

As the media and entertainment elites fan the flames of Trump hatred and Russia obsession, the real enemy of the republic continues to gather in strength and influence.

What to Do
Catholic News Agency has a very important article, What Can Priests Practically Do To Combat the Porn Epidemic, that presents a challenging call to the Church to respond this growing problem.

The author Mary Rezac offers some practical strategies, including the important work of prevention, for churches to respond to this crisis. [I would only add that Permanent Deacons may be a great resource to assist pastors in implementing the author’s suggestions.]

Please read Rezac’s article, share it with your parish pastor, deacons and ministry leaders.  Consider ways that God may be calling you to get involved.

Rejected Blessing: The Role of Olympic Medalist Sanya Richards-Ross’s Fiancé in Her 2008 Abortion Decision

Wednesday, June 7th, 2017

Sanya

From People Magazine:

 “Five-time Olympic medalist Sanya Richards-Ross reveals in a new memoir “Chasing Grace” that she had an abortion just weeks before sprinting in the 2008 Summer Olympic Games — a decision she says cost her more than a gold medal.”

Sanya was engaged to Aaron Ross at the time.  What was Aaron’s role in the abortion decision?

 “According to Chasing Grace, Ross wasn’t present during the procedure because he was at training camp…she couldn’t escape the emotional pain.”

Sanya’s courage to tell her story is a gift to others who have experienced this loss. Most couples who share an abortion never talk about the event.

But the pain is there, and touching every aspect of their relationship.

Sanya tells us in Chasing Grace:

“I always harbored some resentment toward Ross. It was our mess-up, but I felt abandoned in the decision…It was like by not saying anything, neither agreeing nor opposing, he kept his conscience clear, but it wasn’t fair.”

A man’s silence or passivity when a couple faces an unplanned pregnancy is deadly for the unborn child and often lethal for the relationship in the aftermath of the procedure.

Often women interpret this silence (“not saying anything, neither agreeing nor opposing”) as a signal that their partner is unwilling to defend and protect the life of their unborn child and that he will likely abandon her and the baby if she parents the child.  Women may fear their partner’s ongoing resentment at being forced into fatherhood before they are ready.

Often a child is sacrificed because couples, especially women, fail to share their hearts and express what they really want and need at the time of an unplanned pregnancy.  Because abortion takes place in this very intimate and complex emotional arena with both parties operating out of anxiety and conflicted emotions, the abortion experience is anything but a simple medical procedure.

The abortion event strikes at the heart of a couple’s sexual and emotional intimacy, communication, and most importantly, their trust in one another. Men are wounded by their passive or active participation in the death of their unborn child.

The silent and forbidden grief from this shared loss is often self-medicated with substances, acted out in relationship conflict, or avoided through hyper-activity.  This can leave couples vulnerable to seek intimacy and love outside their damaged relationship.

The legalization of abortion in 1973 has left a national landscape riddled with damaged relationships and broken marriages.

The Truth Will Set You Free

But not all is lost when a couple has an abortion in their history and recovery is possible:

“After a number of years of ignoring what had happened, she and her husband (they married in 2010) discussed their true feelings.”

Sanya shares that she now has a better understanding of her husband’s experience at the time of the pregnancy:

 “[Ross] explained to me that he was just as burdened by the decision as I was. He believed that our child in 2008 was a blessing we had rejected by always wanting to be in control.”

According to Chasing Grace, it was prayer and open conversation that healed their relationship with God and each other.  When couples have the courage and humility to open up this secret loss to the light of God’s mercy and truth,  new life and many blessings can flow from that act of faith.

Sanya and Ross shared the good news that they are expecting a child:

“Many parts of our lives have felt like a fairy tale, but this is our biggest blessing yet,” the couple told PEOPLE. “We are so excited to start a family and can’t wait to begin this new adventure!”

[If you or your partner have experienced and abortion, or multiple abortions in your history and recognize that this has hurt you and your relationship, don’t be discouraged or afraid. You can find more information and some very helpful healing resources here.]

The Sins of the Father: The Role of an Abusive Tyrannical Patriarch in the Legalization of Abortion in the United States

Tuesday, June 6th, 2017

bernard-nathanson.jpg 2

Kevin Burke, LSW

The father of the late abortion pioneer and physician Bernard Nathanson played a key role in the legalization and promotion of abortion in the United States.

Terry Beatley reveals in her fascinating book “What If We’ve Been Wrong?” that Nathanson’s father, a highly respected obstetrician-gynecologist, was a tyrant in the home:

“Bernard was born into a loveless home in which disdain toward his mother replaced oxygen in the household. His mother was constantly and unfairly berated and belittled by her husband [His father further humiliated his wife with extramarital affairs]… Nathanson and his sister, despite this hungered to gain their father’s respect and affirmation.”

Nathanson father, a staunch atheist, sent his son to the finest Jewish schools to become instructed in the letter of the law. Yet young Nathanson was immersed in a family culture were religious belief was ridiculed and faith stripped of any values and heart. As he matured Bernard was driven to find liberation from his father’s oppression and emotional rejection, even as he continued to long for his father’s affirmation and respect as a son, and as a man.

It is from this complex family soil that Nathanson, following in his father’s footsteps, entered medical school and met Ruth. Author Beatley shares that “he was drawn to her innocence, intellect, and radiance.”

Sadly, Nathanson would soon disfigure the beauty that attracted him to Ruth.

The couple spoke of marriage but when an unplanned pregnancy occurred, Nathanson (fearing his father’s response and driven to prove his self-worth) decided a newborn would interfere with the completion of his medical training.

Ruth sacrificed their child so Bernard could finish medical school. Abortion was illegal in New York at this time so she travelled alone to Montreal for the procedure.  Beatley shares that Ruth returned to New York via taxi in a puddle of blood, and as is common after an abortion, the couple soon drifted apart.

Nathanson likely had no conscious awareness at that time of how the abortion impacted him as a man and father. However, based on my own professional and ministry experience with men after abortion loss, there are some themes to consider.

From Victim to Perpetrator

It is important to understand Nathanson’s abortion in this context; the son who was emotionally aborted by his father, later becomes the father who aborts his unborn child. This is a complex emotional dynamic where the child who was the victim of emotional rejection and abuse, later becomes the perpetrator in the destruction of his own unborn child.

After finishing medical school and the start of his professional career, the relationship with his father became increasingly bitter and contentious. The father/son relationship was now terminated.

There is another key post-abortion dynamic to consider as Nathanson begins his professional medical career.

Some women and men deny their experience of shame, guilt and any natural sense of emptiness and grief related to the death of their unborn child, by adopting a strong pro abortion moral and political stance. This is a very powerful form of denial that serves to continually validate their abortion decision and also to divert their complex post abortion feelings into activism and promotion of abortion rights.

For Nathanson, this combination of a dysfunctional relationship with his dad, and the denial of his own post abortion guilt and grief as a father, set the stage for his emergence as a pivotal figure in the efforts to legalize abortion in New York and throughout the nation.

During his residency training Nathanson recognized that although abortion was illegal, by understanding how to work the system, New York City hospitals were still performing D&C abortions for supposed miscarriages – that were in fact healthy pregnancies.   He also noted the disparity in the quality of care for patients depending on their economic background.

Nathanson’s tyrannical father led him to share a natural affinity for the anti-establishment, anti-authority culture of the 1960’s. He despised the medical establishment’s maintenance of what he saw as an unjust and unsafe tolerance of illegal abortion.

As an ob-gyn physician Nathanson became an essential front man in the campaign to repeal existing abortion laws.  Author Terry Beatley details in her book the unfolding events and key players (and the use of deception, misinformation and outright lies) leading up to the legalization of abortion in New York in 1970 and the Roe V Wade Supreme Court decision in 1973 legalizing abortion in all 50 states.

The Apple in the Garden of Choice

Whatever Nathanson’s good intentions, once you begin the descent down that slippery slope where medical professionals and parents assume the life and death decisions that are the exclusive providence of the Creator of life, a process of moral and spiritual corruption and decay sets in.

After abortion became legal in New York in 1970, Dr Nathanson trained doctors in the use of vacuum abortion, a method recently perfected at that time in communist China, as a more efficient method of termination. He also shared with his fellow physicians abortion methods for later term pregnancies such as saline abortion.

This method injects a poisonous saline solution into the mother’s womb. The child inhales the solution into their tiny lungs as the saline burns the baby’s skin.  The child suffers a gruesome and painful torture for about an hour before dying in the womb.  The mother gives birth to a dead child, or in some cases to a child barely alive that is abandoned or in some cases directly murdered.

As disturbing as this is, there is an even more shocking event in the journey of Bernard Nathanson as a pioneer of abortion rights.   Dr Nathanson, who as a young medical student persuaded Ruth to abort their child, and was emotionally aborted by his father, assumes dark mastery of his repressed grief and pain.

Nathanson evolves into a sinister reflection of his tyrannical father

Author Terry Beatley shares that Dr Nathanson was involved in another unplanned pregnancy after Ruth. This time, the doctor personally performed the abortion of his unborn child:

“Yes, his hands had personally killed his own child and, when he had finished the procedure, he felt only pride in his adept skill.”

The Crushing Burden of Truth

The development of ultrasound technology finally broke through Nathanson’s denial of the humanity of the unborn child. He came to reject abortion and regret his role in the legalization of the procedure.

Terry Beatley had the opportunity in 2009 to visit Dr Nathanson prior to his death in 2011.

Nathanson shared:

“I am responsible for the death of seventy-five thousand children. Five thousand at my own hands.  I taught doctors how to perform abortion surgery on another ten thousand babies and , on my watch, and additional sixty thousand children were killed by my team; that’s seventy-five thousand lives.”

Nathanson as he began his practice as a young physician was a wounded man. He was further compromised by his abortion with Ruth, and still desperate for the love and validation of his father.  He was raised in a family culture that deprived him of the moral foundation, faith and values to resist the diabolical temptations he faced as an ob-gyn physician in the turbulent 1960’s.

While we can be thankful for his eventual rejection of abortion and conversion to the Christian faith, he ended his life with great anxiety and the crushing weight of his own role in the death of now over fifty-five million unborn children in the United States.

The sins of the father indeed.

 

 

 

 

 

 

The Restoration of Fathers in Abortion Recovery

Monday, May 22nd, 2017

Prison Ministry

Kevin Burke, LSW

In 2014 I spent some time with the ministry staff of an abortion recovery program behind the prison walls of Martin Correctional Institution (MCI) in Florida.

Their ministry to men featured a modified version of the Rachel’s Vineyard Weekend and also some exercises from Healing a Father’s Heart bible study.  I had a chance to meet with a number of men who have been through the program and are now team leaders ministering to their fellow prisoners.

The inmates I interviewed (many of them lifers for serious crimes) taught me how their abortion story fit into the wider journey of their tumultuous lives.  I learned of the central role that father absence and father abuse and rejection played in the development of narcissistic personality traits, and a descent into criminal activity and abortion.

Their abortion loss played an important role in accelerating their self destructive impulsivity that evolved into criminal activity and violence.

This experience continues to resonate with me as I encounter men beyond the prison walls of MCI.  While most men do not turn to criminal activity after their abortions, father wounds and abortion have a similar power to deeply disfigure men and corrupt the vocations of marriage and fatherhood.  This buried grief, shame and pain can be expressed in anger, impulsive behaviors, sexual immorality, exploitation and abuse of partners…and even criminal activity.

The healing journey of abortion loss for men with father wounds, past abuse, or divorce, opens the door to healing their sense of being “emotionally aborted” in their own childhood.  Repentance, and an encounter with their Heavenly Father and His unconditional love for his sons, is a powerful and essential first step.  As these men learn to grieve their abortion loss in a healthy way, they are freed as fathers to reconnect in love with their children, both living and deceased.

But this also provides an opportunity for them to encounter the pain of their childhood, and begin the process of healthy grieving and recovery from those wounds.

This month of June, many of us will honor those Fathers that have blessed our lives.

For other men, this may be a time to turn in humility and trust to their Heavenly Father who is calling them to open up some of the darker corners of their lives to the light of Christ.  Keep in mind, men without childhood loss or trauma are also deeply wounded by the participation in the death of their unborn children.

Facing this takes humility and courage.

But as men who have made that journey will testify, attending an abortion recovery program will bring abundant blessing to your life and to your loved ones.

Happy Father’s Day

 

 

The Road to Emmaus – My Journey from the Abortion Clinic to the Eucharist

Monday, May 22nd, 2017

Jesus with Woman

By Sarah J

My journey began many years ago when I walked out of the abortion clinic. I had just aborted my daughter.

There were protesters out in front of the abortion center, so we were escorted out the back door. My ride had driven her car around back to come and meet me. As I began my journey to the car, I passed the large dumpster where the clinic tossed the remnants of my baby.

This is where my walk to Emmaus begins.

I went home that day and tried to be normal, processing the many feelings of relief and guilt. I am not sure why both of those feeling felt so appropriate. As the day wore on the guilt over powered the relief. I vowed that I would never share what I had done earlier in the day. That pain was mine alone.

My Road to Emmaus was full of twists and turns and deeply held secrets. While I know now that it was Jesus walking alongside me, it would take many years to recognize Him.

As I journeyed from the abortion clinic, every day I took a step further away and tried to forget what I had done. I married, got pregnant again and rather than backtrack to the abortion clinic I stayed on the Road to Emmaus. I became a mother to a son.

I was raised Catholic. The day I left the abortion clinic was also the day I left the church. Now that I had a son, I felt a responsibility to have him baptized. I called a Catholic Priest. After telling him what I had done and asking for a time for Confession the priest hung up on me.

I knew that I was unforgiveable and that I was not welcome back.

I did get my son baptized. Four years later I had another son. Once again, I sought baptism.  I tried to teach my boys the Catholic faith. I failed. It was hard teaching them a faith I was not able to live out. So, I joined a protestant church.

I began to thrive and grow in God’s word. One Sunday the preacher was talking about a God that I wanted to know. The merciful and compassionate God. So, I raised my hand and said yes to the Lord. I became pregnant. I felt so blessed to have a baby girl since I aborted my first girl.

I began to study God’s word and was beginning to realize that on my Road to Emmaus Jesus was with me.

But something was missing.

I still did not feel worthy or forgiven and I kept backtracking on my Road to Emmaus to my experience at that abortion clinic. I had to talk to someone about my secret.

I wanted to go to Confession, but I had already been rejected. The protestant church kept encouraging me to just ask the Lord for forgiveness. I cannot tell you how many times I was on my knees begging the Lord for forgiveness.

Nothing gave me any sense of peace or feeling of forgiveness.  I was not forgivable and even though I went to church I would always be that person with the scarlet letter.

There was another longing in my heart: I desired to receive the Eucharist.  When the protestant church had communion on Sunday, I always left feeling rather empty and longing. I wanted to go back to the Catholic Church, but I was not worthy.

I got online and found a ­­­­program in the Catholic Church called Project Rachel. I spoke with a counselor about my abortion. I did not feel condemned, but accepted and understood.  She encouraged me to attend a Rachel’s Vineyard Retreat. I rejected that idea for several years until I finally had the courage to go.

When I arrived at the retreat, the priest and the team assured me that I was safe. The priest was not going to reject me. I was given the opportunity to share my story without judgement.

The most significant part of the Rachel’s Vineyard retreat was that I entered into the Sacrament of Confession. The priest did not judge or reject me.

That evening I was introduced to Adoration. Sitting before the Blessed Sacrament after my confession was the most peace I had felt in many years. The next day when I received the Eucharist during the Sunday Mass, I knew I was home. I had arrived in Emmaus, I recognized Him. The gift of his Body and Blood was given for my sins.

While my journey continues, I know Jesus walks alongside me. The Eucharist is the my center of my life. I find strength in Adoration and daily Mass and frequent Confession.

All are gifts of the Church to strengthen me on my Road to Emmaus.

 

 

 

 

 

 

100 Years after Fatima this “Error of Russia” Continues to Wound the Heart of Mary

Friday, May 12th, 2017

our_lady_children

By Kevin Burke, LSW

On May 13, 1917 the Mother of Jesus began appearing to three shepherd children in Fatima, Portugal with a warning that the human family was in mortal spiritual and physical danger.

At the same time Mary was appearing to the children, revolutionaries were planning the overthrow of the Russian monarchy to establish a movement that would institutionalize blasphemy against God.

In July 1917 the blessed Mother warned Fatima visionary Lucia, and the entire world, of this gathering darkness:

“Russia will spread her errors throughout the world, causing wars and persecutions of the Church. The good will be martyred, the Holy Father will have much to suffer, various nations will be annihilated.”

The Bolsheviks violently seized power in Russia in November 1917 one month after the final apparition at Fatima. The communists launched a massive persecution of the Church in their zeal to wipe out belief in God and the practice of religion in the Soviet Union and later in Eastern Europe and China.

What is perhaps lesser known, is the role of the Soviet Union in the spread of abortion.

Pioneers of Death

Geoffrey Strickland, J.D., J.C.L., who serves as the Rome Office Director for Priests for Life, shares about the roots of abortion in the former Soviet Union:

“…history attests to the fact that Russia spread her errors throughout the world… through the single greatest error of our time: abortion.

Russia was the first country ever to legalize abortion up to birth without restriction and also developed and promulgated technology to this end.[1] Russia and areas formerly controlled by the Soviet Union have the highest abortion rate in the world.[2] Further, those countries sharing in the political and ideological legacy of Russia at that time such as China, Cuba and others continue to carry on this violent imperative.[3]

The errors of Russia would later spread to the United States with the legalization of abortion in 1973.

Geoffrey writes:

Thus “various nations” – the innumerable children of every race, creed and culture – have indeed been “annihilated” through the fundamental error of abortion and the faulty logic behind it, namely that a human child is not a human being.”

Over 1 billion unborn girls and boys have been aborted around the world in the last 100 years.

The Mother/Child Connection Runs Deep

Pro Abortion propaganda likes to spin the abortion issue as “a woman’s right to control her private and personal reproductive health care decisions.”

The truth is, abortion disrupts a very intimate relationship that exists on an emotional as well as on a cellular level– a relationship that continues well after the child’s death.

In Science News we learn that a mother carries the cells of her unborn children within her body:

“…biologically speaking, mothers and their children are connected in a way that may surprise you… When the heart is injured, fetal cells seem to flock to the site of injury and turn into several different types of specialized heart cells. Some of these cells may even start beating, a mouse study found.

So technically…A mother really does hold her children in her heart.”

Behold Your Mother

Consider that Mary may still hold the fetal cells of her Divine Son within her assumed body. Mary and her Son shared both a physical, but also a spiritual communion as the great paschal mystery unfolded in the final days in the life of Jesus.

As Jesus suffered horrific torture on the cross, he looked down tenderly at his mother, entrusting her to the Apostle John.   Yet in this action, Jesus was also proclaiming the ongoing mission of Mary as the mother of all Christians, and of the entire human family.

In this spiritual motherhood, Mary experiences an intimate and passionate love for each of her children.

Our Lady of Fatima shared with Lucia:

My daughter, look at My Heart surrounded with thorns with which ungrateful men pierce it at every moment by their blasphemies and ingratitude. You, at least, try to console me.

The metaphor of sensitive heart tissue penetrated by thorns reveals how closely Mary is attached to us, and how our sinful actions wound her at the deepest level of her being.

Mary’s heart was filled with anguish as she appeared to the Shepherd children of Fatima. She warned of the unfolding short and long-term consequences of the rise of atheistic communism.  Our Blessed Mother saw the diabolical power of those destructive ideologies and the political and cultural revolutions that have rocked the world over the last 100 years.

Our Lady of Fatima surely understood how the attacks upon the Providential Fatherhood of God would lead to violence against the unborn child, the corruption of human sexuality, and other developments that continue to wreak havoc on marriage and family life.

Consolation as Mercy

Like the visionaries of Fatima, we are also called to console the heart of Mary. But this consolation is really a loving and merciful gift from Mary and Jesus.

I have worked for over 20 years as a counselor with women and men who have participated in the death of their unborn children. Their testimonies  reveal the spiritual and emotional suffering unleashed in their lives after the procedure, often leading to failed relationships, addictions, and multiple abortion procedures.

The symptoms of complicated grief after abortion are often manifest in an intimate and destructive way in the corruption of the relationships between men and women that can have a detrimental effect on marriage and family life.

We console our Blessed Mother by turning away from pride, by ceasing to justify and rationalize sinful actions, especially those that viciously attack the dignity of the human person, such as pornography and abortion. Mary calls us to repent of those sins of selfishness; idolatry manifested in greed/lust/power; prejudice, violence and hatred.

Mary pleads with her children that this life is very short – she implores us to reject all that separate us from God and threatens our eternal salvation.

It is also a great consolation to Mary and Jesus when we humbly open our darkest and shameful wounds like abortion, to the healing light of truth.

Rachel’s Vineyard and other abortion recovery programs facilitate an intimate emotional and spiritual encounter with Christ in a process that features exercises rooted in the Word of God, and the grace of the sacraments of reconciliation and Eucharist that are part of the weekend experience.

As parents honor and embrace their children with love, and grieve this loss in a healthy way, they can entrust their child to the Lord’s merciful care. While there is pain, there is also the consolation and peace of the Holy Spirit and the real hope of a spiritual relationship with their child in this life, and God willing, a Heavenly reunion in the next.

“My Immaculate Heart Will Triumph”

Mary reassured us that even with the massive death and destruction of the last 100 years, in the end, her Immaculate Heart will triumph. Perhaps we are witnessing an anticipation of that final victory of the Immaculate Heart of Mary in the reconciliation and healing of women and men after abortion.

Let us pray together for a special outpouring of grace and mercy as we celebrate the 100 year anniversary of the apparitions at Fatima.   May this commemoration facilitate a wider awakening to the fervent call of a loving mother to her millions of children that have yet to reconcile their most shameful and grievous sins, and find the healing and peace that only her son Jesus can provide.

 

[1] See for example http://www.liveaction.org/news/the-abortion-ripple-effect-russias-tragic-abortion-tale/; http://time.com/3679288/iceland-abortion/.

[2] See for example, http://www.cbsnews.com/pictures/abortion-around-the-world-where-are-rates-highest/19/; http://www.liveaction.org/news/the-abortion-ripple-effect-russias-tragic-abortion-tale/.

[3] See, for example, https://www.nytimes.com/2015/10/28/world/americas/in-cuba-an-abundance-of-love-but-a-lack-of-babies.html and https://www.lifesitenews.com/news/china-commits-staggering-23-million-abortions-per-year-according-to-us-stat.

Turning IVF Embryo’s Into Jewelry: It’s Not as Crazy as you Think

Monday, May 8th, 2017

IVF jewelry

By Kevin Burke, LSW

[I want to be clear that in this article I am in no way defending the use of IVF embryo’s to make memorial jewelry. The negative reactions to this are of course warranted and the practice is deeply disturbing.  However I hope to offer another perspective based on my experience of over 20 years in counseling and ministry to women and men after abortion. ]

You may have seen this article on the Kidspot website, “Couples are turning extra IVF embryos into jewelry.”

Belinda Stafford is the mother featured in the Kidspot piece. Belinda seems to me a caring and sensitive mom struggling to resolve the complex moral and family decisions that reproductive technologies present to couples.

Couples facing infertility issues are vulnerable.

They have the good and natural desire to start a family together. Yet for various reasons they find this impossible. IVF (In Vitro Fertilization) is waiting with the shiny apple that our first parents ate in the Garden of Eden.

This modern version of that ancient story from the book of Genesis assures us that we can assume God-like providence over procreation and human life, without any negative consequences. Given the desperate desire to parent, couples are often unaware of the moral, spiritual and practical challenges that IVF will present.

Belinda shares that even though they were able to give birth to twins during the process, there was a price to pay:

“We had been on a six-year journey of IVF…It was painful, tormenting, a strain on our marriage and just plain hard.”

One of those challenges involves the excess embryos that are created during the IVF process that the couple must either preserve at great expense or discard. Belinda reveals a clear understanding of the human life created in the IVF process and does not use some Orwellian euphemism to rationalize the nature of their tiny lives:

“My embryos were my babies – frozen in time.”

Exactly true.

As a loving mother, how could she simply throw them away?

“When we completed our family, it wasn’t in my heart to destroy them. I needed them with me. Now they are forever with me in a beautiful keepsake.”

The Post Abortion Connection

While there are clear differences between the IVF experience and those who have abortions, there are some connections we can explore.

Given the anguish many parents experience when they come to regret their role in the death of their unborn child or children, they have a need to share their painful feelings and memories of the abortion event within a process of spiritual and emotional hailing.

An essential aspect of that journey in programs like Rachel’s Vineyard, is the transition from their inability to acknowledge and grieve what was lost – and the movement to develop a spiritual relationship as mother/father of their unique child.

Those who grieve their aborted children do not have the remains of the child to provide a place of burial and closure. The healing process closes with a memorial service where participants read a loving letter to their child and entrust them to the Lord’s mercy.

Some mothers and fathers will find other ways to memorialize their child with a special piece of jewelry, a website or other space dedicated for this purpose, a Christmas ornament, or a piece of artwork or music to honor and remember their precious child.

The Truth Will Set You Free

In the Kidspot article, the author says of Belinda Stafford:

“She now carries her babies with her wherever she goes.”

Belinda like all mothers is deeply attached to the children she has conceived with her husband Shaun.

She agonized as she considered their tiny lives being discarded or left in frozen limbo.

She hungered for a closure that would honor their lives and keep them close to her mother’s heart.

Sadly, this method of memorializing human embryos reveals the slippery slope of the IVF process. IVF takes the experience of procreation, and entrusts that intimate communion, and any lives conceived, to the secular setting of science and laboratory.

Pope Paul VI warned us in 1968 of the deleterious effects of separating the unitive from the procreative aspects of sexual intimacy:

“…we must accept that there are certain limits, beyond which it is wrong to go, to the power of man over his own body and its natural functions—limits, let it be said, which no one, whether as a private individual or as a public authority, can lawfully exceed. “ (Humanae Vitae, section 17)

An essential aspect of abortion recovery, and one that can never be forced, is when the heart moves from pride to blessed humility, and opens up to God in sorrow and repentance for one’s role in the child’s death.

The desire of couples using IVF technology to memorialize their children arises out a deeper need to honor the unique life of each of their children conceived in this process.

Yet, both science and faith reveal that the process leads them to participate in the death of their conceived children.

An authentic and spiritually complete response to the loss of these children will not be found in simply preserving their remains in a piece of jewelry. This may bring a superficial and even comforting sense of closure to some parents that will seem to honor their children’s unique lives and preserve some parental connection.

The pathway to truth and real peace is a more painful one that calls parents involved in such fertility treatments to humbly acknowledge that, like our first parents in the Garden, we can be tempted to assume the providential authority of God over human life.

With that said, couples are usually not equipped with the moral and spiritual formation to make the right decisions when confronted with the painful awareness of infertility, and persuaded by medical professionals, friends and family that IVF is their best option.

Finally we need to consider how the living siblings of those children conceived in the IVF process will respond when they learn someday of the loss of their brothers and sisters that were discarded after fertility treatment.

Perhaps like siblings of aborted children, they may also require some support to work through their own feelings and survivor guilt at being offered the gift of life, while their siblings died, and their remains memorialized in jewelry.

For couple’s facing infertility, please consider life affirming alternatives to IVF such at those offered by the National Gianna Center for Women’s Health and Fertility

 

The Prodigal Father: David and His Son Daniel Grieve the Impact of Abortion on their Family

Tuesday, April 18th, 2017

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Many years after the Roe V Wade decision legalized abortion in the U.S., a young man named Daniel Rosa stood at the steps of the Supreme Court and shared how abortion has impacted his family.

Daniel’s shared his grief at the loss of a sibling to abortion. His story reveals the truth of how the Abortion Shockwaves touch not only the mother, but also the father and siblings of an aborted child.

The Sins of the Father

Daniel’s public testimony is directly linked to his father’s journey of abortion loss and healing.

Daniel’s father, David Rosa shares that at a time of darkness and weakness in his life, he made decisions that hurt his marriage and family and took the life of his unborn child, conceived in an adulterous affair.

After attending a Rachel’s Vineyard weekend and a period of careful discernment, David shared his abortion story with his son Daniel. Within David’s story is an important message not only for his son, but for all men to hear.

If you fall, being a real man means having the courage and humility to honestly face your failings and the ways your selfishness, blindness and sin have injured others. (For some men, these behaviors may flow from past abuse and unacknowledged loss.) With God’s grace, and with the help of others you can find healing and peace for yourself and your family.

Daniel’s testimony reveals that even after he learns of his father’s failings, while grieved for the pain this caused his parents and family, and the loss of his sibling, he came away with an even deeper respect and love for his dad.

The Harvest is Plentiful

Consider how many fathers have engaged in affairs and coerce their partner’s abortions to cover up their sinful secrets and lies. Without healing they will continue to act out this sin and emotional pain in their lives and relationships, often falling into chemical and sexual addiction to repress and deny this pain.

The first step is to find compassionate support, reconciliation and healing in an abortion recovery program. The Men and Abortion Network can also help you find free one on one counseling and mentor support.

Abortion recovery opens the door to a supportive network of clergy/ministers, counselors and fellow Christians who understand the post abortion journey.

This support is essential as you begin the healing process for yourself and your family.

 

The Abortion Pill: The Psychological Experience of Labor and Delivery in the Home

Tuesday, April 11th, 2017

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by Kevin Burke, LSW

Counselor Cullen Herout has an important article on home based chemical abortions in Crisis Magazine.

Cullen shares that in March 2016 the FDA approved the use of the abortion pill Mifespristone for women up to 10 weeks pregnant.  Close to 25 percent of abortions in the United States are chemical abortions and this number will likely continue to rise.

Like Cullen, I also serve as a counselor on Rachel’s Vineyard Retreats for women and men suffering after abortion.   Couples often rationalize that the abortion pill merely initiates an early miscarriage.  They are tempted to see the pills as an easier solution than a medical procedure at the abortion center.  However the actual experience of the abortion pill can be a shocking and traumatic event.

On a recent Rachel’s Vineyard retreat, a couple shared their traumatic chemical abortion story. The mother was 6 weeks pregnant and after an extended period of severe cramping the child was delivered in their bathroom.  The father had to fish the tiny child out of the toilet.

The father buried the child in their back yard.  He frequently visited the “grave site” as he struggled to process the grief and trauma of that event.  They found significant emotional and spiritual healing of that experience on their Rachel’s Vineyard weekend, but they remain wounded by that abortion individually, and as a couple.

What are the possible psychological and physical trauma associated with chemical abortion in the home?

What happens to couples when their home becomes the abortion center and procedure room?

Please read Cullen’s article to learn more.

We need to increase our efforts to educate the public about the reality of chemical abortion. Women and their partners need to understand the psychological risks of at-home abortions and the likely individual and relational impact of labor and delivery of early pregnancies in the home.