I had an abortion because I lied about not taking my birth control pills and got pregnant. I wanted to have our child but my husband did not. We fought for weeks and I talked myself into thinking that it was okay even though I knew in the depths of my soul it wasn't. We went to several different clinics.During the abortion I asked the doctor to put me to sleep, I couldn't handle what I was doing. That should have been a red flag.
Immediately after the abortion I felt relieved at first. I thought I could bury the pain. I went right back into my everyday life and acted like nothing had happened.
As time went on after the abortion I felt and experienced complete sadness and emptiness. I cried on my way home from work almost every night. My action took its toll on me and our marriage. I became very distant and emotionally unavailable. I was extremely angry at myself and I took that anger out on my husband and myself.
I found help and forgiveness through a Rachel's Vineyard retreat, praying outside an abortion clinic and helping out at Life Choices in Metuchen. I would like to become a counselor but would need some training.