I have three children now. It was the love of my Church and becoming a Christian that pulled me from the darkness. My oldest son was conceived out of wedlock but instead of walking away my now husband stood by me. It was his birth that helped me heal.
I had an abortion because...... My boyfriend’s mother convinced us it was the best idea. Looking back I know she meant well. She told us how our lives would be ruined and we believed her. My boyfriend at the time was a real "mama's boy" and did what she said and I of course being in love and looking up to her, agreed also.
During the abortion procedure I experienced...... nothing. I was put under general anesthetic.
Immediately after the abortion I felt..... Empty. I heard a girl screaming and crying. I wanted to hug her, I was woozy from the anesthesia and kept saying she needed help, that she was sad. My boyfriend came in crying saying he should have never made me go through with this....to which I answered "don’t worry, our baby is dancing with your grandpa, he will be ok till we see him again." After a few weeks we broke up, I went through four years of depression and abused alcohol. I became heavily sexually active to fill some empty space in my soul....nothing fixed it.
I found help and forgiveness through..... Jesus. I became a Christian, more healing came after the birth of my son. He could never replace my first baby but I feel like God forgave me and gave me a chance to be a mother.